abandoned-

2009-06-28T11:19:00.003+08:00

'Sup guys.
I know, it's been a long time since I last updated. =.=
But, it's not like anyone's following my blog anyway. It's so dead.
I should really take out the tagboard. Not alot of people like to tag my blog. Or maybe I should just delete this whole blog. Oh well. I'm so confused at 11.21am in the morning when I just woke up like 20 mins ago.

Actually I just got back from Myanmar not too long ago.
. . .
I trailed off. Lol. Now, it's 4.06pm.
I have school tomorrow.
so not loooking forward.
I feel like being stuck in the holiday mood.
And I don't wanna cut my nails after growing them to be so long. =.= Sigh.
This is attachment. -- not good.
I'm drowning myself in disney love songs. =) those songs are good classics and most romantic man. Love them to death.
Oh well. Bye. I don't really have much to say. I don't really feel like I have any productive to say after my meditation trip and I don't really say much craps now. =.= Good or bad? Who knows.

2009-04-28T22:15:00.005+08:00

Guess what.
I'm sick.
Like, really really really sick.

I can feel my whole body burning up. Feels like the time I got dengue fever. -.-
I'm screwed.
And whose fault is it. You know who you are. =.=

So, tomorrow, conveniently, I can't go to school.
I'll miss physics test.
I'll miss history test.
shit.

2009-04-21T22:31:00.001+08:00

HOHO IM ESTHER :D
AND NYEIN'S BATHIN RIGHT NOW.

imma gonnnnnna die of shockkkkkkayee tmrrrrr morningggayeeeee.

2009-03-22T20:38:00.002+08:00

Hey People. If you were wondering if I had died, I didn't.
I had a perfectly good reason for not blogging.
But that don't mean I'm going to tell you.
=P

So anyway. Today was supposed to be a hardworking day, I did my laundry. But, in the end, I never had the motivation to do my homework. =.=
So I'm drinking Red Bull now, hoping to find my motivation for my PW project thing.

Oh and I've come with a list of looks I wanna do for my makeup! I wish I had more time to do makeup but there are alot of reasons for not doing that.
1. I have SYF.
2. I have LOADS of homework.
3. I have to MOVE.

Yes, you saw correctly. I have to move. AGAIN. This is like the nth time I'm moving. So, now, I'm going to move all the way to Bukit Batok. =.= Sigh. I'm going to die.
I hate that place. For its history and location.

I can only pray;

Toodles everyone. Happy school days. =.=

2009-03-18T23:05:00.002+08:00

Hiya! =D

You know what, I realised that I'm actually posting regularly. For once.
=.= Don't know how long this positive streak is going to last though.
For those who thinks my face are an intrusion to this world, I'm so sorry, but I have to post them again. =P

So anyway, before I actually post my pictures (again), I'll let you all know what happened to my exoticly boring life today.
I went to watch Street Fighter, Legend of Chun-Li today! The girl was kicking ass kinda cool! And so chio too. I'm jealous. =.=
But I had only popcorn to eat during the show. =.= Not good. I wanted wedges, but apparently the GV Marina didn't sell them. And Nicholas didn't even know what wedges were. Sigh, a deprived child.

So anyway, after I went back home. And an amazing thing happened, my room key was with Nicholas. And he has tuition. [the poor guy has tuition on everyday of his life.] 0.0
Ok, so what?
In the end, he asked his mom to bring the key all the way to my hostel for me. I felt so bad! But the mom was so cute can. She said it wasn't my fault cause Nicholas took it and didn't return to me. Haha. And she asked me if I had a curfew. So I said I had none and she was like, "So good ah? You can come back any time la!" And she sends me cute sms like: "Happy Holiays, Nick's mom." LOL. So, in the end, I didn't even know her name, I only called her Aunty.

That was my fabulous encouter with Nicholas's mom. Haha. She's so cute can. Ok, I shall stop saying that. =.=
Ok, Now, onto with the photos!

Green for money! $$.$$
Toodles everyone!

2009-03-18T02:46:00.003+08:00

Sorry guys, no pictures for today.
Wasn't at home so didn't create any looks.
=.=
Like anyone would actually like to look at my face.

Ever felt like sometimes you could just fade and disappear?
Now is one of those times I feel really ugly.
After watching Twilight, Marley and Me and Wild Child.

I just feel really useless. Maybe it has something to do my period. =.= What the hell. I wish this feeling would just disappear. I can't sleep. More like I'm forcing myself not to sleep. I still haven't finished my Physics Journal and File, can't find the motivation to. My PW proposal is still stagnant. Like a dead sea.

My mom's friend said I look fatter. Not just one person. Okay, so what, fat AND ugly. Such a good combo. Is it so wrong to feel happy with yourself once in a while? I can just never do that. Everytime I look at other people, there'll be something, somehow wrong with me. It's like, I'm designed to be ocstrasized in this world. Not that I am, but like, I will be. One day. Sooner or later. I don't fit in with people. People just seems to hate me. They don't like me at all. There's always something they are expecting more.

Self-esteem problem? I don't think so. There really is something wrong with me, why would I be fretting if there really is nothing. People are forcing themselves to say nice things to me so that this whole thing wouldn't be blown over the edge and I'll end up suiciding or something. =.= Maybe.

Or maybe if I died, nothing would really change and everything would change for the better.
My friends won't be arguing with me all the time.
My family will have less stress finding all the money it takes to bring me up.
Others. ... They won't lose out in any way.

I was a waste of space in this world. Too bad I won't be able to see how this world turns for the better after my funeral.

2009-03-16T22:29:00.003+08:00

Today, I went back to school. Packed stuff.

Lots of stuff.

=.=

NEWS: NYEIN DESPERATELY NEEDS A NEW CAMERA!

-so that I can cam-whore.

I mean like, my photos don't do my makeup justice!

I swear, if you're beside me, and can actually see my makeup, you'd agree too!

=.=

Sigh, stupid camera.

Today was a slack day. So I just put on a random makeup which only takes me like 8 mins altogether. I'm still polishing on it! =D

TOODLES!, nyein. <3

2009-03-15T23:19:00.002+08:00

LOOK AT WHAT HAS COME OUT OF MY BOREDOM-NESS!

BYE BYE!

-any hate comments will be ignored. =D

2009-03-14T19:22:00.002+08:00

Hey people. Today was just boring. Woke up, played computer and went for tuition.

=.=

Talking with JunKai was like talking to a pervert. Shall not elaborate on that.

Ate subway and went back. Practically nothing to do. Don't know why I was so free.

So I decided to put on my new cosmetics. =D

This is how it turned out.

I know I'm ugly so just keep your comments to yourself. =.=

But, look at the blush I'm wearing, damn pink right!

Courtesy to the Smashbox blush! =D

But I wear until so nice also cannot go out. T.T Nobody wanna go out with me. Sigh.

Toodles.

2009-03-13T18:49:00.009+08:00

Hey!

School holidays have come.

If only holidays were really holidays.

I'm sure many of the secondary school peeps would agree with me when I say our one week holidays are just stay-at-home-and-do-homework days.

=.=

The joy.

Okay, let's just ignore the fact that I've got CO stuff and homework waiting for me tackle.

MY SISTER SENT ME LOADS OF COSMETICS!

Let's just go through together what she sent:

ONE.

This is the SMASHBOX QUAD MIX.

Look at it! It's so pretty. All of it are cream based so it'll lighten my cheek colour which is a definitely good thing! =D

And look at the packaging! It's adorable. Oh, the thing next to it is the free gift. It's a gloss.

TWO.

These are the two famous TOO FACED EYE SHADOW PRIMERS.
On the left is the Too Faced SHadow Insurance, the tube one. On the right is the Too Faced Second Base, the box one.

I'm so excited! I heard that they're fantastic! *jumps around*

THREE.

And these are all my new lipglosses and lipstick.

Starting from the left,

1. Sally Hansen, Lip Inflation, Sheer Mocha (Finally, after so many months of begging.)

2.Gosh, Velvet Touch Lipstick, Nougat (It's so smooth and easy on the lip!)

3.Too Faced, Juicy Jewels (This was a free gift, so I shall try.)

4. Too Faced, Stolen Kiss (This is also a free gift.)

5. L'oreal, Rouge Virtuale, Rose Pearle Pearly Pink. (This looks purple after I tried it on. 0.0 )

6. Too Faced Whipped Lip Lure, Bustier (This is another free gift.)

7. Too Faced, Juicy Jewels (Just a darker colour than the first one.)

8. Pure Lip Gloss (Don't know what brand it is, also a free gift.)

9. Smashbox, Lip Gloss, Simmer (A very sweet coffee colour! =D )
10. Too Faced, Lip Gloss Lure, Name Dropper. (A weird name but the colour is a peachy tone. )

FOUR.

This was the blush by SmashBox that I've been eyeing for quite long.

The packaging is so cute don't you think?

Wait until you see what's inside...

Ain't the Blush just adorable? Look at the Kabuki brush!!

Haha, This has got to be the most cutest cosmetic I've owned.

Oh, and by the way, the colour pay off is good too! It keeps my cheeks rosy! =D

Ok, Let's move on.

FIVE.

This is Too Faced Pretty Pink Palette. Sexy. =D

These are the colours inside.

The two horizontal rectangles at the extreme left (up and down) are the lip glosses.

The big square is the blush. And the two rectagles at the bottom of the blush are the two eye shadow colours. A bit too dull for me, maybe I'll mix it with other colours. =D

SIX.

This is the Too Faced Eye Shadow Lure, Galamazon.

So shimmery! It's like the princess-y and glamorous looks! This will definitely come in of good use. =D

SEVEN.

This is one of the two Too Faced Eye Shadow that my sister gave me.

This is called the Fantasy Island. Don't you just love the sea green and the teal? I do.

EIGHT.

And this is the second Too Faced Eyeshadow, Lovely dovey. Yup. Warm colours! Summer, here we come!

And I still have the shimmery lip gloss by Too Faced and the invisible Lip Liner but was too lazy to take a photo of them, caues they look quite normal. But INVISIBLE LIP LINER? =.= lol. I'll find a use for it. And the shimmery lip gloss was REALLY shimmery. I've got shimmer stuck on my hand just by opening the cap.

THANK YOU SIS! <3

2009-03-10T22:04:00.002+08:00

It's safe to say I daydream alot.

I would wake up at 5a.m. and just let the smell of breakfast rest linger under my nose.
Open my groggy eyes and feel contented that I'm not going to be late for school.
Eat my breakfast, not knowing what I'm digesting but feeling the prescence of people around me.
Just feeling safe.
Feeling secure.
Feeling loved.

Carry my school bag, wear my socks and shoes and look over my shoulder to see a person waiting for me to say goodbye to. I really miss that person.

I had those days. Good old days.
"You don't know what you've got till it's gone." It's so true that it's ironic to me. I still remembered the days when I complained and never rejoiced. The days when I felt like I've had so much more to do outside. I'm missing those days.
I can't say I want to go back. It'll only hurt me even more. It's just hard to take a firm step forward with that raw guilt gnawing up your gut. That step is one I'll have to take, no matter how tough the decisions may be.

Right now, there's no a word exchanged in this confined room of mine. It's much bigger than my previous room but it's void of homeliness. It's void of all the emotions a normal 16 year old girl should have. But I'm not normal, am I?

I want to leave Singapore asap. But my sister wants me to finish up my A-Levels here. I just wish this three years would pass by in a flash. Everywhere I go, there'll be some memories of you. The you that's not coming back to me anymore. It's just hard to say goodbye.

2009-03-08T01:10:00.002+08:00

Yo people!

Today, me, yunzhen, pengjie and chua celebrated esther's birthday. Though her birthday isn't until like 10th March. =.=

Sigh, everything around me is disappearing so fast. The time, the place, the people. Everything.
It feels like something just pressed "Fast Forward."
I just realised that I'm going to be 17. 1-7. That's a big number. I feel so old. And I still haven't accomplished anything that I told myself I would be when I'm 17.
Let me tell you what was on my Life's list.

1. Get a rich boyfriend.
2. Get good grades.
3. Lose weight.

None of them are checked. Sigh.
I wonder if it's possible for a person to feel this unimportant.
I wasn't there when Mr. Tay returned the physics pop quiz. I got 12/15. Sigh, I intended to give up on it anyway. I didn't even study. =.= But even though I read through Chem stuff on the day of the test, I only got 11/20. *sigh*

You'll lose a bit of happiness everytime you sigh. Someone told me that. I really wonder if it's true.

Take my word of advice. Love is really rare. Something that's impossible to catch it unless it's onto you. *looks back* Yup, I'm pretty sure it ain't following me.

I guess I'll wait for another year before Lady Luck shines on me again. Every year the time passes, I really wondered what I did with the precious time that looked me in the eye and left. Everytime I look myself in the mirror, I really wondered what happened to that girl who talked big and had huge ambitions. I guess it died with my mother. I still have that part of her in me, just appearing infront of people and shying away from me. I could never connect with her, she's too different from me. Does this mean another trip to the psychologist again? I hope not.

I'm really wondering if I'll succeed in life. What will happen to me 15 years later? Will I be sitting in an office typing nonsensical stuff on a puny little computer, or Would I be enjoying myself at some exotic place? Both possible, but too different.

I wonder if I'll get myself a nice boyfriend. Or a rich one for that matter. But seriously, I've never imagined myself with a guy. It's like, love was never meant for me at all, just for me to stand in the side lines watch it go to other people. Sad, but true. My life is pathetic. I don't even know why there's such a easy thing was never meant for me. I guess that's life. Like how mom puts it. She's always telling me my heart was too distant but too soft for anyone to comprehend. I don't really know what she meant by that but I'm willing to bet she knows what she was saying. Do I have the capacity to love people? I don't know how to.

Toodles. I've got coffee left outside the room.

2009-02-28T22:10:00.002+08:00

Hi everyone.
=.=
It's 10.45 pm now.
And my mind is still in a whirl.

Maybe cause i'm tired?
no. because i'm freaking tired.

I'm sorry but i just can't update no more, cause today was uneventful and I need to sleep. =.=

2009-02-26T21:41:00.002+08:00

This is my 100th post. I should be celebrating it.
But sadly, I don't have the mood to.
Why?
Good question.

Because i'm stuck at macs, sending my senior something. =.=
Sigh. Such a great life I have.
No, I'm not complaining. Just appreciating the vast differences in life.
Sigh.
Do you lose a bit of happiness everytime you sigh?
*sigh*
No, I didn't lose any.
*rolls eyes*

So, okay. Today, was .. eventful?
I woke up at Esther's house. I slept over there. Yeah, I know it was a school night, but oh well.
Did I tell you before that Esther's Mom makes the best morning hot chocolate drink? I didn't?
Oh, I did now. =D
Thank you, Esther's mom.
Then I reached school and the first thing I saw was Baxter sitting there with his gay bag. (P.S. No matter what you all say, I still think it's very gay.) So, I was searching for Yunzhen. Then I realised she had Piano Exam. (Shoutout to her: I HOPE YOU PASSS!) Then Maureen and Laura appeared. Maureen was wet. 0.0 So, the story about her wonderful water fight adventure came out. =.= maurreeeennn...

And I realised my legs were aching. AGAIN. aww man. I don't wanna run on Sunday already. It's still so pain! My thighs are like super pain!
=.=
Anyway. I talked with my dearest sister just now and she said she was sending me makeup products on friday or sat. THANKS! I'm gonna have new addition to my makeup family!
MWAHAHAHHA!
=.= for all who think I look ugly with makeup, I'm sorry, but I can't stop this uncontrollable urge to put on colours on my ugly face. This ISN'T meant to be sacarstic. I'm serious.

Oh well. I think I'm gonna go back to my hostel le!
THANK YOU MACS FOR LETTING ME USE YOUR WIRELESS THING. =.=

P.S. My internet thing, please come back to life, and I'll treasure you for eternity! T.T

2009-02-14T20:38:00.002+08:00

HAPPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE! =))
Wishing all LOVERS out there a very wonderful time!

And since I have no valentine to write about, I shall write a ficitional story.

"
Falling in love was easy.
Being loved was the hard part.

This, Stefie knew. She was happy to settle with the whole "Love-from-afar" kinda thing. It just took one look at those gorgeous grey eyes before she whole heartedly gave her heart to Josh.

No matter the harsh looks those grey eyes directed her own black ones nor the cold shoulders that brushed past her every break, she couldn't bring her heart back to where it belonged. Giving up was one of the very top options in her list. It was easy to brush it off as a "crush" when it didn't happen to you.

Every night as she looked up to the moon, she wondered if he was looking at it too. It was a flimsy connection, but it is a connection no less. She preferred to hope.

Hope was a hard thing to have when yours was crushed so many times before. But Stefie had a tough life, and she always will.

"He touched your hand while handing you your paper. And that explains a growing interest, how?" Stacy cocked an eyebrow.
"It's a women's intuition." Stefie stared at Stacy's sky-blue eyes.
One thing she'll never tell Stacy was that she was jealous of her best friend.
"Intuition comes to those with experience. You've never even touched the males before." Stacy turned her attention back to the steak. And the canteen noise disappeared in Stefie's mind.

It was true.
Stefie fell in love alot. And they all left wounds. There was a day when her mom took her by the hand to her room and gently spoke to her. "Your dad thinks it's high time for you to have a boyfriend."
That was the day she decided to lose weight. And landed herself in ICU.
She just wasn't cut out for love. Love was for the pretty and the confident. There was nobody out there to love her. She heard from her grandmother before that humans were born with half a soul and they were supposed to search for the other half in your lifetime, that's the purpose humans were born.

Was there another half left for her? Or was she born with no soul?
Looking at herself in the mirror now, it was obvious to say the least, that she was alone at home on a Valentine's Day. 14th February was circled with a red marker on her calender just across her bedroom door. There was no unread messages in her inbox, there were no missed calls on her phone and there was no knocking on her door. She persuaded Stacy not to put off her boyfriend.

She pushed open her windows. The air was certainly fresh outside. The view from her window was overlooking a cosy spot in the garden. It was filled with couples.
Was it even possible for a girl to feel so lonely? It wasn't hard not feeling jealous. No, it was impossible.
Water should help. She shut the window and went downstairs.

"Mom! Josh's fetching me to a concert! It should end around 9pm so don't bother cooking for me!" Triss's voice was as sharp as ever.
Wait. Josh? Stefie's feet stopped on the staircase.
"Ok, honey! Bring a nice gift back for your elder sister! She's been feeling so down." The mother came out of the kitchen. "Why don't you give her the number of the slimming centre? That should help." Triss cocked her head back to face her mom. The said mom just shook her head. "I know, but that will hurt your sister's heart!"

Triss's phone rang. "Oh, Josh's calling me." A knocking sound came from the door. "You go ahead, I'll go get the door." Josh was standing there. Looking more handsome than ever. "Stefie? I didn't know you live here." Stefie's mom turned around to see her own daughter standing on the staircase like a statue. "Oh, Stefie? You know Josh right? He's from your class."
"I certainly do." Her mom's look changed. "What's wrong dear?"

Never in her life could Stefie imagine her voice sounding this weak and small. "Nothing, Mom. The water just couldn't help."

---------
Boring, No? =.= Oh well. It certainly killed MY time. =D

2009-02-03T22:08:00.002+08:00

hello people.
I don't really know if anybody will read my blog but oh heck. I shall just post some random stuff.

I woke up at 5am today. You know who you are. =.=!! I was so damn bloody tired can. Only on the way to school, I remembered I had pe and I forgot to bring a PE tee. Tried asking from YZ and Glad. But all were out of house by then. Sigh. So I had no PE shirt.

1st Lesson was Maths. Luckily I brought my thermometer. Second period. I had height and weight. HEIGHT AND WEIGHT. Like OMG! I grew shorter. Yes! I grew shorter! 159cm!!! T.T Can't I ever reach 160? I wanna be tall!! Weight. I don't even wanna talk about it! I was so bloody fat can. I wanna lose like 5 or 6 kg! Starting from tomorrow, I'm gonna go on a strict diet! I'm already ugly, if I'm gonna be fat, I'm going to like be the embarrassment of myself. =.= I wanna be skinny before I'm year 5 so that I can buy smaller waist skirt!

Time skip. After school, had shangyin. Sigh. Finally learn frinish the last part le! Then I went was so hungry. Totally forgot about my weight and went to eat Ajisen's Volcano Ramen! It was so nice though. =.= Sigh. What exactly does a food lover have to do to lose weight? =.= Then I went to tuition cause I was wondering around like a ghost. Saw Junkai and Joseph choinging homework there. =.="" oh well. Then tuition was quite dry. Cause SVA is quite easy to understand but after all the things come together abit confusing. Went home with the same people and now i'm here talking crap to this blog. =.=

thanks for listening. BYE!

2009-01-01T12:54:00.002+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR! HELLO 2009!

Oh well, I shouldn't be the one saying it anyway, cause I completely forgot about it. Only realised that the countdown was over at 12.45am =D

Guess since it's the end, I should probably start reflecting on 2008.
2008 has been pretty much a rollercoaster ride for me. Ups and downs, Highs and Lows.
Everyone has it but this year the highs were higher and the lows were much, much lower. But the best thing about 2008 was my class. I'm happy with 3E. I can't imagine what my Year 3 life would have been without my classmates. I've met new friends, reunited with the old and lost some friends. But I'm happy! Never have I imagined myself being in a group of friends because I tend to irritate alot of people with my bipolar sides. Sigh.
Thanks guys.
Then my mom died. You all know that stuff.
Right after that I became THE General Affairs person. I wouldn't know if is a good thing though. LOL. Just kidding. =D

Oh and I just realised something. I'm YEAR 4 TOMORROW. That's so scary. -.- Then we'd be in senior high then we'd go our separate ways. Either that, or I'll be the only one separated from you all. That's the same to me anyway. -.- Time passes so fast. Aww man. I don't wanna grow old so fast. =.=''
I just hope 2009 won't be a bumpy ride like 2008 has been to me. I'm quite happy with a mundane life. Just don't destroy it, will ya.

2008-12-25T21:27:00.003+08:00

Yo. =D
I've officially moved out from the hostel already! =) Well. At least I've packed everything away. Lol. I didn't think I could pack up that whole mess in like 3 hours. With no one to help me! =D
Anyway. 31st Dec is gonna be my last day in the hostel. And when I was checking out, I was scolded for having an attitude problem. As if I give a bull's ass about that. As long as I get out of the effhole hell. So anyway. I'm in the new hostel and it's at Kembangan. Wee. I got a straight bus to the new Dunman High School. =P but I've still got to get ready for the admin stuff and what-nots.

I've still haven't done my holiday homework. And I'm ~~very~~ not proud of it. And I'm very lousy at my Tian Shan Feng Jing. Shit. I haven't even practised it yet. Sigh. Can I just quit the qizhou? =(

Maybe some of you are wondering why I'm writing this nonsense in the young night of Christmas Day. Oh well, I've got no where to go, nothing to buy and no money to buy with. *sigh* How I wish I've got a rich ~~boy~~friend. Aww man. But I don't feel like working at all, however will I get the money! =( Sigh. Ok. I'm complaining all the way. I shall stop it. Bye Bye. =D

2008-12-14T00:32:00.002+08:00

Yo! =D

I'm currently in a happy mood now. So I shall update my blog.
But oh well. What should I say?

Had Raymond's today. And it was differentiation again. Sigh. But what Raymond talked about today really made me think back to my L1B5. Next year, I want to use my LA, A Maths, E Maths, Physics, History and Chemistry. But I know LA, Chem and Hist can never get A*, so aim for A, perhaps. But I really need to work hard. And my HCL can throw away, I just need to pass my O lvl and I'm free from it! =D

Sigh, but what if I can't get good results? *deep sigh* Okay, I'm making myself feel down so I shall stop doing that. Oh well.

Nyein's reason for being sad:
1. I'm fat. And getting fatter.
2. I'm not getting good results.
3. I need a brain change.
4. My fingers ain't pretty.
5. My face needs a serious plastic surgery.
6. My whole body needs to go under the knife.
7. My skin colour needs changing.
8. My eye colour is too dark.
9. I have too much hair on my limbs.
10. I'm too short.
11. I'm in need of money.
12. My legs aren't nice.
13. My stomach bulges.
14. My cheeks are too fat.
15. My teeth ain't white.
16. I have a double chin.
17. My hair has a war with itself.

Sigh. How can one person have so many problems. Oh well, I guess it's just me.
I was happy, but now I'm feeling down. Shit.

2008-12-12T21:50:00.003+08:00

HEYA! I CHANGED MY BLOGSKIN AGAIN!

Actually after changing blogskins all this while, I'm almost tempted to do one myself. But I ain't got the luxurious time to just sit here and photoshop pictures after pictures.
Oh, and this isn't the important thing I wanna talk about.

Guess what? Oh, you won't need to guess cause I'm telling you! (-.-)
I'M MOVING OUT OF DUNMAN HIGH SCHOOL HOSTEL.
Yeah, it's supposed to a happy moment. So scream if you just didn't. (0.o)
Well, I found this A-Star International Hostel and East Lodge (i think?) and they both cost much more than DHSHostel but hey, there ain't no need to share rooms with other people and stupid curfews and whole other stuff I'd gladly tell you if this thing isn't seen by the whole world. So HOORAY for me!!

HIP HIP HOORAY!
HIP HIP HOORAY!
HIP HIP HOORAY!

So, anyway, well. The A-Star one costs approx. $690/mnth and East Lodge one costs $1000/mnth. (>.<) But I get a WHOLE ROOM to myself. That means no sharing with people. I hate people. Seriously. This world is getting too over populated. I wish I can die before overpopulation starts to seriously affect me. Seriously. Of course this also means that I need to cook and do laundry myself. But reality check: Hostel's food ain't nice and the laundry don't come clean all the time. So yeah, I'm way satisfied. Best part? NO CURFEWS! I mean, seriously, what are curfews for? As long as I don't get myself or you, as a matter of fact, into trouble, why do you really care when I come back. I mean there ain't nobody waiting for me to come home nor food waiting for me. I live ALONE! I seriously DO have an issue with curfews. So GOODBYE DHSH in hmm.

ONE MONTH!

-bye!!

2008-12-08T23:27:00.000+08:00

Yo. To everyone's whose been reading my blog.
=D

My life has been boring. Nothing new. Nothing special.
I passed my erhu exam I think. >.< Ding Lao Shi said something like 105 i think. =D
So anyway, my life cannot be anymore hectic during the holidays. There are way too many CO stuff for me to pack! And why are there only 105 blazers? IT'S WAY TOO LITTLE! Many people owe me blazers man! But at least I finished packing all my stuff I think (thanks to Eugene), but we need more boxes! Sigh.
For those who are totally lost, I'm talking about Dunman High moving back to Tanjong Rhu. Yay! We're finally moving back. But I'm gonna miss my Meatball Noodles in the Ghim Moh Hawker Centre! But our new school is HUGE. Am I gonna get lost in it? =.=
Oh, and I've not touched my holiday homework! *insert a big sigh here* I need to do Jian Bao! Who is nice enough to do two reflections of Chinese Newspaper Articles for me? And I still got Chemistry, Language Arts, Maths and Physics to do. >.<

Enough about school. I just received my MAKEUP BRUSHES from my sister! BOOYAH! They are so ridiculously good. I got this face blender brush that is SO soft and just helps me to blend my bronzer and my highlight colour for my cheeks. I don't know what I have been trying to do without it. You don't know what you don't have until you have it. =D I went out and watched NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST !! It was so hilarious. "You may not know, but being a straight guy is hard." 0.o LOL. But of course I watched it by myself. =.= Nobody wanted to go out with me. Ooh, and a few days ago, I bought this pantyhose I think, has rose designs on the side of the legs! It's so nice, and it makes your legs look longer and thinner. =D I'm having lots of fun with it!

Tomorrow I've got Raymonds. Sigh. Differentiation is tearing my head apart, I don't even understnad half of what I'm doing now. =.= Oh, anyone who's free to go out with me, give me a msg! Cause NOONE wants to. I'll love you to bits! ^^

-Nyein.

2008-11-10T14:16:00.002+08:00

Heya people. I wonder if anybody read my blog nowadays. oh well.

Today I was supposed to go for the ezco, BUT i woke up and I got a fucking splitting headache that just refuses to go away. And when I got up and walked to the toilet I swear my whole world was upside down. So I had to go back to sleep. It was some serious problem trying to sms yunzhen, I had to ask my roommate to help me. And that's some serious problem.

Ok. So let me update you what's going in my life.
1. I got a 3.53 GPA. I want a 3.6.
2. I've gotten fatter thanks to Max. Him and his JC donuts.
3. I ~~desperately~~ want a financially independent boyfriend. =D $.$
4. I hate my eyeliner, do not buy uncreamy eyeliners. They just suck.
5. I bought a book called "Things I want my Daughters to Know." It's really awesome. Go read it. You can buy it in Kinokuniya, Times, MPH, Borders blah blah blah.
6. Go try Passion Fruit Smoothie in Bugis Junction's Food Court, IT'S AWESOME! Yup yup, yup. It's amazing.

There's really nothing else in my life that needs talking. Like what. My school just ended and my lazing the days away. No, scratch that, I working my ass off for my upcoming erhu exam. I just feel like I'll fail it again. I don't know, I don't even wanna continue it anymore. Sigh. That's just my lazy half talking, I know I've to practice again. SIGH. OH! and our qizhou song changed from zanmabenteng, to manjianghong. Like why? I don't know. Just changed. Oh and people who are actually enjoying their holidays and not be submerged underneath their CCAs, Just wanna tell you guys that I really envy you. Ta-ta! *waves*

2008-10-21T21:39:00.001+08:00

Hey everyone, sorry for not updating. Was too busy.. moping.

Sigh, isn't it a wonder how some families run the "genius" gene throughout the family tree but I think mine didn't get passes down from my mum. She kept it with her. *sigh*
I kinda passed all my papers but most of them were too good. =.=
Don't wanna talk about it,
oh well, there's still next year. probably.

2008-09-23T21:00:00.006+08:00

HEYY EVERYONE!
I'm so proud of myself! I'm like posting for the second consecutive day! *dances around*

I'm currently trying to do my maths revision test paper ~~(unsuccessfully)~~. So, anyway, did one realised that I changed my blog skin? Of course you did. =) This skin is so cute. If you noticed, I like my skins simple. It's called the beauty of simplicity.

So... I'm sorry I can't think of any topics today. So, I'm gonna talk about my boring life. (Why not tag about what you want me write about. And I shall decide if I wanna write about it!)

1) I got up at 6.10 though I wanted to wake up at 5.30 . Damn. So I caught the last bus from the hostel. Sigh.

2) My head was bloody pain. I don't know why. Saw Bryan and Joseph was fighting about some childish thing again.

3) Had PE. Sigh, last PE lesson of the year. Hated it. Hockey doesn't suit me. I'd rather play volleyball. Felt like my shirt was dripping wet cause I was sweating from the sun AND cramps.

4) Went to Tiong Bahru's KFC to mug. We ended gossiping and yunzhen and maureen raped my phone. Lol. They diverted all the calls to yunzhen's phone trying to talk to max. But in the end, louis called and I realised what they did. Thanks louis. Haha.

5) Got off at bugis and went back to hostel. And bathed and am typing blog post now.

I have such a boring life. I haven't started my revision. Oh man, am I doomed to fail EOYs?

2008-09-22T18:36:00.003+08:00

Lots of people tell me that my blog is dead. I know that actually. But even if I post, nobody actually comments!! And that makes me feel ask though nobody actually read it. But it's kinda stupid to post what I do everyday, cause doesn't that makes you feel bored? I mean if I read a blog and all that person blogs about is what he/she does for the whole day, I'll be like "I don't really give a damn what anybody does." Sorry for being that way, but yeah. So... what should I post about?

Hmm.
Hmm..
Hmm...
what?

OH. Since it's exam time, I'll tell you all a very good piece of advice for doing well!

Basically the trick is to study the way you want, where you want, what you want it and when you want. For me, I sleep then I get up to study at midnight cause I can only concentrate when no souls are around me. That's what my sister does too. Don't just study because everyone else is doing so at that point of time. If it can't get into your head, it's no use, might as well sleep and rest.

Secondly, I don't like to study. Yeah, I just take notes here and there. Don't take the textbook as bible and read it day and night. Not all the answers are in there. There's something called internet so use it. This is highly recommended for humaninities and languages stuff. For science, please treat your notes as bibles.

Thirdly, DON'T STRESS! Please people, it's not even the 'O' levels or something. I know this is not a very good point of view of looking at exams. Yeah yeah, all exams are important, but the most important is not to make a mountain of a molehill. Just because you don't understand a single topic or a single concept, you won't "die". I've seen people stress themselves up and focus on a single topic that they don't understand and had no time to revise other topics.

Last but not least, remember precious advices. When people tell you there's a hole infront of you, don't fall into it. And it's not funny. Common sense is not common to desperados. When you reach a mental block, put down your pen, close your eyes for a while, think. Answers won't come to you when you're scratching your head away, only dandruffs will fall out. And even though teachers will ask you to check your answers after you've finished, I suggest to relax for a while, put your head down or something, clear your head. THEN, you check your papers. You can't find your own mistakes with an anxious mind.

Yayy. I've finally posted something. Ta-ta everyone! and GOODLUCK!

2008-06-22T19:54:00.003+08:00

So sorry for being away so long.

Well, lots of things happened. My mom died etc etc etc.
Lol. It's not really a big thing that she died. I kinda knew in my heart she'd die once I knew she had 4th stage gastric cancer. It was just a matter of when. Just didn't realise it would be so soon. The time she was with me seemed to me like a dream. A bittersweet dream.

I'm not sad that she died. I'm quite glad for her actually, chemotherapy sessions were such a pain in the ass. I don't think she ever got to know how much I actually love her. But I've never regretted it. Cause mom, if time ever rewinded, I don't think I'd ever rewrite our story. I'd always be your selfish, childish, stubborn youngest child. And you'd always be my understanding, loving, caring, and naggy mom. I learnt all my lessons today because of the things I've done, it's not worth rewriting them. I want them to be painfully edged in the corner of my heart that you'll always occupy.

I learnt 4 things when you died, mom.
1. Someday I'm gonna end up like you. In the coffin. Well, not necessarily that orangey coffin, maybe my era would be more high-tech. But you get the point.
2. Everyone's gonna be a dead corpse, with all the icky stuff flowing out. And no one's gonna take care of you. And there's no such word as "beautiful", "ugly", "rich", "poor" when you die. You go empty handed.
3. I've learnt how to face up to that painful quench that squeezes my heart everytime I think about you. How can I back down on all the little setbacks when they don't even hurt compared to your parting?
4. I loved you mom. Had. Am. And will always forever more. Cause there's no one who could raise a child whose father is your worst enemy. For that, I thank you mom.

P.S. I always keep your long hair growing.

2008-04-04T23:27:00.003+08:00

I don't know why I'm feeling so crappy. I'm crying and crying and crying. Tears don't seem to want to stop. I can't stop the flow anymore.

It's too late now.

You can't stop the hands of time.
It's too weak now.
You can't stop the flow of rhyme.

A chance in a lifetime to meet.
A wish in a heart to bleed.
A hope in a soul to feel.
A coin in the hope fountain that wasn't real.

We'll meet again someday.
We'll be together anyway.
We'll see each other one day.
We'll smile at each other all day.

I hope to.
I wish to.
I want to.
I need to.

Distance between us contains a universe.
But your heart is always beating next to mine.
I can't recognize your face in the crowd anymore.
But I can feel your presence till the end of time.

"You look ugly when you cry."
How can I smile when your heart cries?
"You look prettier when you smile."
How can I cry when you love my smile?

A promise made with a hug,
Sealed with a kiss.
A push and a tug,

Baby, you will be missed.

Sorry if this poem bores you, but if you know what I'm talking about, please don't feel sad for me. I think I chose the right decision. =]]

2008-03-31T21:35:00.002+08:00

You know what. I have officially banged my head on my bed's headboard and it officially freaking hurts. And it's all SOMEBODY'S fault. So pain, at least the ice pack is helping. Aww man. Today's monday, maybe I'm experiencing the Monday's Blues, but I almost exploded at school just now. Maybe because of the san men xia. I don' know, i just didn't feel very well today. Maybe because of the splitting headache due to the bump! okay i do not know what i'm talking about. I shall just post another day.

2008-03-30T11:59:00.000+08:00

What Nyein Nyein Aung Means

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.

You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.

You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.

And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.

You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

i thought of doing this and i accidently found the website for it. You know what. Now that I think about it, it's actually true. =]] I'm serious. I'll blog later. My dearest mum is coming back today, hafta clean the house, it's gotta sparkle and shine.

2008-03-19T23:32:00.002+08:00

Oh hey! Hi! Do you even understand how bloody bored I am at home. Alone at home with bloody pills. How many pills do you want me to each per time?! URGH! (sound of frustration).

Three bloody reasons I need to go to school on Thursday for:
1. I have Empire of the Sun test. (test not in class, in the lecture!!)
2. I have bloody alumni practice. (it's kinda compulsory.)
3. I only went to school for one day in this entire week!!

*sigh*I hate being so weak. Especially in health. The doctor say I have gastric, malnutrition (I'm not from 3rd world you know?) and low blood pressure. And he gave me bloody 3 days off. Only that friday was a public holiday and I don't need mc. =(( Maybe I shouldn't have skipped meals. But, I'm getting fatter and fatter everyday. Even you said so. But the doctor looked at me and said, "Holy Father! (he's a Christian.) You looked like a vampire sucked blood out of you." Nice sense of humour doc. =.=""

Missing -- a sense of longing to something or someone. An event perhaps?

I never seemed to be able to grasp the feeling of missing something or someone. I never do. Cause I know that one day I'll have to leave everyone, not the other way round. Some people will leave me, they always do. But when then comes a time when I'm gone, I know I'll be one doing the leaving. If I happened to die now, I can just picture my funeral, if my sister is kind enough to give me one. LOL. My family, their friends, maybe some of my friends who are close enough to me, will be standing infront my tombstone saying their last prayers for me. Masu will just be looking sad. Tough cookie. Big sis will be crying her eyes out. Poor her. Brother will just look away. Softie at heart. And my niece will just be calling out my name. Lol. Kids. My mum will.. cry? I don't know. As for my friends, a few will cry. Just don't wanna say the names. Maybe Yunzhen and Esther will come. Haha.

Ok I'm officially sick. Why am I picturing my own funeral. That's way sick. Think happy thoughts! Oh well. I'll just go and watch anime. Did I tell you all? D-Gray Man is nice! =))

You know I can't say yes.

2008-03-18T03:32:00.002+08:00

Yo people. You might think it's totally crazy for a sick person to be up at this hour of the day. Oh hell. Damn right. And I didn't even bother going to a doctor yesterday. Why? Cause doctors drive me crazy!

No. Not really, Just didnt feel like going. I can't take good care of myself. Oh well. I'm hungry right now. *stomach growls* but I don't feel like going into the kitchen for it. Heck. My kitchen doesn't even contain stuff that doesn't need to be put through fire. ...Such a healthy family. my foot. They just don't want me to outside stuff. For god-knows-what reason. I wanna sleep now. but I can't, If i do fall asleep now, I can't wake up in time. Neither my mum nor my sister is around now.

Wasn't I who wanted to stay this way? Cut from all contact? But rather than the whole world treats me like a freak and walking away, It's as if I was the one who severed that last piece of connection I had with anybody. It takes two hands to clap, huh? When did I stopped trusting outsiders? Too long ago. Since young. Take your pick. But it's really frustrating huh? To think that inside such a big world, you have friends less countable than the numbers on your fingers. Friends? the word have a tangy bittersweet and sour snap on my tongue. Oh. oh. You won't believe how long I wanted to define that word.

Let's just take a step back from the show of our lifes, what are we acting for actually? In the role of our lives, everyone is playing a part, being the main character in their own show. Who's gonna watch the show at the end? Why are we acting for anyway? A person? For ourselves? I think everyone's director is the same huh? Death. If he decides that your show ends here and now. Too bad. Friends are your important side characters, is that it? Or are they the supporting characters? *sigh* Anyhow, I wanna trust them. I really do. Why do I sometimes look at people and just see them as a physical body that's going to decay in around half a century. It gives you the feeling that you're the one that's gonna see them die. I don't wanna feel this way. I'm just your normal average girl. Why are all these emotions running through me when I don't understand half of what I feel? This whole thing is warped and so majorly f***ed up.

The ironic thing is, when I do take a step back, I feel so much more. I feel those sympathy looks given to me by my mother. "Oh, poor child..." I feel those boring into my skin. I feel those angry looks so many times that I can't even tell if they're angry or just plain glaring. Most of the times, I can't be bothered to either. It isn't my blood fault if you choose to waste your time on the stage being angry at me. Life's a stage, isn't it? It's so ironic that it's lame. And it's so literal. People are just walking around waiting for their director to say, "cut!" *grins* What a stupid world. Where did that life that we have inside of us come from? Maybe the sun contained too much energy and decides to weave webs of life within earth. Who knows? All I know is that Life plays a sick and twisted game in everyone. We have choices though, oh, we have. To live to die. Or to die to live again. Naturally everyone's sitting on the fence. "I wanna accomplish .... in my lifetime." That's a goal people have, to not idly watch time past by his face and be bored to death. But if you do live to die, maybe we can be friends. I am scared of Death. But we can never run away from it if we have Life. Life and Death are like two friends being separated and connected again through human beings. When Life goes into you, Death will come along too. And that second you draw your last breath, they can be together. *chuckles* What a sick a twisted Romeo and Juliet, don't you think?

2008-03-16T11:07:00.003+08:00

HEY PEOPLE!

Guess what? I changed my blog skin. That's oh-so obvious but hey!! I like my new blogskin so I shall update often. I havent been updating at all. I know man. Haha. Anyway, recently I bought this earrings and I love them so much. Cause I think they kinda suit me. OH heck.Where did that randomness come in?

ANYWAY! I just watched HORTON! And it's so blood funny. "Air is lighter than a feather. So If I take in more air, I'll be lighter"- said by the elephant. LOL. Such cute thinking. I wanna start learning dance again. This time, it shall be raggae! =)) Hmm. I wonder who will learn with me. Cause I'm like piled by homework. OH ~~SHIT~~ SHUCKS! I still haven't done my homeworkk. *sigh* Who wanna help me do them?

Oh Did I tell you? I'm currently having this stupid lip allergy now and my upper lip looks super red, like I've just swallowed a whole stupid bowl of chilli. OH man. I hate this and it feels like plastic!! *dsfkljsdlkfj*

And I just came back from MALAYSIA! haha. The water theme park was fun! =)) I love you two man.

2008-02-26T21:02:00.002+08:00

Hey peeps. Looks like I really have a dead blog now. I'm so sorry for not updating it sooner. I'm thinking of changing my blogskin too. Man, the more I look at this, the more I want to change it, but you see, I can't bring myself to change it because of laziness, *sigh*

Anyway. Life hasn't changed a bit. It has only went more screwed.

More from bad to worse. I'm waiting for the day I leave Singapore.

I'll be leaving behind alot of things.But I know you'll be happy again. You never needed me, I was just a reminder of your old mistakes. Aren't I? She knew it, You knew it, but you both didn't tell me, and you both didn't realise I knew it either. I'm not as dense as you thought out me to be. And the fact that I don't really care is because either way; Why should I?

2008-02-05T17:47:00.000+08:00

Sorry people, but this post is going to be very emo.

I don't need you to tell me I'm not good enough. You don't need to emphasize it again and again. I know. In fact, everyone knows it. You don't like me. I know. But can you spare me some self-worth and dignity? Can you at least treat me like a person with feelings? Can you at least give me a chance to show you that I'm not as worthless as you think? Am I wrong for being so distant? Am I wrong for not talking everytime or not being as sociable? I'm just going to tell you straight in the face. I'm not sociable. I never was. And you see me actually talking to the people is actually because I was forced into it. I hate talking. It's a waste of my time and your time. We don't communicate well. And just because I tell you I don't know you think I don't want to do it.

When I say I don't know is because I actually don't know. People can forget too. Just because I've been there a million times a few years ago doesn't mean I can remember as well as now. You don't understand me. It's not that I don't understand you. Do you actually realise that I have a thing called guilt inside me? I hate it when people treat me as though I couldn't give a damn about what happens to people around me. Do you actually think I would be that cold hearted? I'm not selfish. You just don't know me. You never will, I guess.

I hate that when I'm with you, I feel inferior. I hate that when I'm near you, I feel like I'm incapable of doing anything. I hate that when I'm beside you, I was there by a mistake. We should have never met, should we? I thank you for all the things that you have done for me, but tell me, what can I do? I can just thank you in my way and sorry that you do not understand my way of thanking. I'm sorry for not turning out the way you wanted me to be. I'm sorry for not being capable. I'm sorry for not knowing enough. I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for not caring for you. I'm sorry that you think I don't care. I'm sorry that I'm always a jinx to you. I'm not I have never made you proud. I'm sorry that the thought of me would take away that smile on your face. I'm sorry that I can never do things right. I'm sorry that nothing I do turns out the way you wanted. I'm sorry for being stupid. I'm sorry for being rude. I'm sorry I'm inconsiderate. I'm sorry that I couldn't act like Mother Theresa. I'm sorry that I always disappointed you. I'm sorry that I have nothing good about me to tell your friends about. I'm sorry for being that ugly scar in our house. I'm sorry that she went away.

I'm sorry for not being my sister. I'm sorry. I should have went to England, not her. Then you'll live happily with her, and do not need to waste half of your life force scolding me. I'll be a million miles away from you. You wouldn't even miss me. I know you won't. Even though we're from the same womb, you won't cry for me like you do for her. Even a smile won't be wiped off. So I'm sorry I'm not as smart as her to get a scholarship from a school from England and be out of your sight. I'm sorry you'll have to look at me everyday with remorse until she comes home and visit us. I'm sorry we're so different. Maybe you should have let me go instead of her. Really. The more I think of it, the more I think it's true.

I'm sorry mum.

2008-01-31T19:46:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since I last updated.
I feel somewhat guilty about it.. somewhat.

The world have been revolving around. once again. No, it has always been this way. The world revolving around me, not me revolving around it.

~~Tears are falling from my heart.~~

2008-01-19T14:46:00.000+08:00

It has been one whole week since I last updated and I'm so sick of my blog skin now. Should I change it? I think I should. Well, it can still wait for later...

So anyway.... I'm feeling bored after this morning's erhu lesson. *sigh* Wls is contradicting again. I mean who becomes good at one second and deprove drastically in the next second? Why did I ever think that I could ever become musically good? *sigh* There's alot of things to sigh about today.

Life's become mundane and boring. Actually, it has always been boring, but it has become downright tasteless these few days. "high" isn't that high anymore and repetitions has become a routine in life. I don't know what to do now. Things are just flashing past my eyes, and I've become too lazy to catch any of them. I guess there's no use sitting there and let things go right under your nose. There's really nothing to question anymore. About good or evil. About right and wrong. About clean and soil. About good and taboos.

It doesn't really matter to me anymore. Never did and never had.I really miss you. Really did. That wet pillow proves it all.

P.S. I love you.

2008-01-12T17:29:00.000+08:00

*sigh* It's been so long since I talked to you. Really. 3 days felt like 3 weeks. =.=" I hate missing people. I really do. It's like having a hole in your heart which you're constantly looking through, hoping you'll see the person on the other side. I hate time. I really it. It keeps rolling us on in the place called "earth" and never stops.

TIME

Eternity plays the time,
Words plays the mind.
Centuries fly by,
Eons go past.
Who shall continue the rhyme?

Time goes by and by,
building and breaking lives.
Why not stop for a while?
Let the world shatter within --
The silence of the time.

How old is Time?
How young is past?
How long is Eternity?
How short is everlast?
How much more to go till the end?

When did they Sky quarrel with the Earth?
How did they become friends?
When was their last deep kiss?
What will the stars miss?
When will the Sky stop crying for the Earth?

Caught in the spasm of time,
Trapped in the webs of wind.
Time gives life to tell all a story,
A story of how everything will burn,
Though the story ends,
still, the minute-hand turns.

Do not emo. I hate being emo. Makes me feel so weird. Ok, let's talk about today, I finished the LA summary and si han in the morning, eh, NO! I finished Si Han on yesterday night. I read through the film studies notes, and I did the physics textbook exercises. After that I went for Erhu lessons. LOL. Ding lao shi tiao yin for me leh! Because WLS wasn't there. Then we started to leave at 9.45 then wls come. LOL. So we were held back till 10.30. =.="

When I arrived at home, I finished my maths collinear exercises and I read my ions thing! Yayy! So I have officially finished all my homework! It feels so nice to finish all! =)) So Now, I can go cycling with a relief of mind!

2008-01-07T18:03:00.000+08:00

Today was orientation concert. I mean it was OK. And I mean barely. I'm not saying this because I played especially well. Hey. I screwed up. But I know we can do better. I mean, yeah. We can definitely, don't give up guys! =D
Anyway, tomorrow's the start of official lessons! *sigh* It means homework. Aww man!

Sorry for the short post, I swear I'll post tomorrow or something...

2008-01-04T21:39:00.000+08:00

THE LAST DAY OF ORIENTATION!!!

I cannot believe I'm saying this, but I can't wait to start the classes. The orientation for Year 3 can be only summarized in ONE ~~bloody~~ word: BORING!

I absolutely cannot believe we didn't even get to do any physical activity or leave the school!! I mean like HELLO!! We are BLOODY!!! YEAR 3s!!!! Why can't we have some fun like the year 1s or 2s or 4s or 5s or 6s? Are we that ~~freakin~~ boring to do that? I mean yeah, 3E IS can be quite dead, but.. URGH! Ok, I shall stop complaining. Don't complain, work harder.

I'm gonna concentrate on my studies and my erhu ONLY! ~~except for some occasions.~~ I really am going to! ~~well, as true as a person who hasn't done her holiday homework can get.~~

But seriously, in all honesty, I simply hated this orientation. Kiff was okay. Even Martin couldn't make me sleep, (even though i was going to) but it wasn't fun. I mean like... okay la. But seriously, I can't remember more than 20 names in my class. (!!) We really should bond more and seriously, 3E is like.. "3E!" "*complete silence*" Wow. My class is SO enthu. Wow.

I'm not blaming my class. Okay. We're new. We just got to know each other but, I can't help feeling a little dejected seeing other classes. (Esp. when no one bomb-ed our class! I mean like E!!! %^&#$%^!) *sigh* *bigger sigh* *even bigger sigh*

I shall do my homework now.

i don't know why but after all everything was said, i can't help feeling a little bit down. i mean i know i shouldn't be, you would always be there, but what i need.. heck i don't even know what i need. i'll just be that little girl standing in a corner waiting for someone to call her name.

2008-01-03T16:18:00.000+08:00

THE FIRST DAY OF ~~school~~ 3E.

Well I must state honest fact, I really don't feel like a senior, year 3, going-to-be 16. I don't know what I feel like, but I don't feel like I grew. This just makes me shiver how time can numb your sensitivity against it.

In a blink, we're year 3. In a blink, our classmates are wearing long pants. In a blink, we've only got 4 less than 4 years left in DunmanHigh. Don't you feel that the wheels are turning too fast? Our honeymoons years in year 1 and year 2 were spent so freely that we didn't realise how much we were caught up with the flow of time we didn't see it pass by. Now that we're in year 3, what are we going to do? The irony of it all made me realise how much time I threw away.

When was the last time I chose to concentrate on my homework?
When was the last time when I actually cared about my grades?
When was the last time I was afraid that I would hand up my homework late?
When was the last time I was actually considered a good student at all?

Thinking over all these things made me regret one fact : I was actually in fact wasting my life.

I wanna make it good this year. I hope I'll stick to my decisions.

I'd like to thank all my friends who've been there for me. Be it whether we're in the same school or not. I'd like to thank my sister who was there to scold me for all the stupid twists and turns I've blindly made. I'd like thank my mum who nagged at me enought to install a body clock in my body.

I've made new friends through the years. Definitely. And I've drifed away from some. Definitely. Even though I may be forgetful. I'd definitely never forgot how happy I was with you all. Ending of year 2, I've gained a whole new friendship. =]] Thanks.

-Nyein,
I'll be missing you --really.

2007-12-31T14:21:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

~~Do you know what's the one very important thing I should be doing right now? As in right this instance? Yep. My holiday homework.~~

Since 2007 is coming to a close, I was thinking maybe I should do some reflections of my own.
Okay, Let's rewind 2007.

It started quite okay. It continued quite okay. It ended VERY FUN! woohoo. Rewinding done.

*sigh* Why isn't there a pause on life? Or a fast forward and rewind? Life is just one big remote control with only one button called "Play" on it. And it continues to play until spoils or the tape runs out. Heck, that one button isn't pressed by us, it was either accidentally or purposely pressed by mom and dad.

Hmmm.. what should I achieve for Year 3? What have I done wrong for Year 2?

I know I should be asking myself these questions, but heck, you know what? I don't really care about it. I'm just gonna do what I feel like doing at that instance, I'm not even going to plan for it cause I feel stupid planning so long for it, just to never do what I was SUPPOSED to do. I mean planning is for people who can actually remember what they're supposed to do. *sigh*

O.k. So.. what will my new year resolution be?
-~~Study hard~~
-~~Don't get distracted~~

I should put something that I can actually achieve.

-Try to study hard. =D

What a smart girl.

After all the talks and the discussions, I should say I'm sorry. But what the point what I don't feel it? I think I'd much rather say this: It wasn't my fault, but it wasn't your fault either, I guess we could blame that cup of coffee. It started it all.

2007-12-30T14:22:00.000+08:00

XYZ/CCO Chalet!!

It was fun. But people sleep too early. And once again, Yunzhen insists that I sleep like a dead person. I do not, I wake up when you tell me to.

We went WWW and got lots of fun. LOL. But you see, my BOND shirt, FBT and swimming suit got stolen. I mean who would be so pervert to steal those kind of things! Eeyer. I loved my bond Tee you know.. so sad. Anyway...

I shan't be talking about everything that's happened in the two chalets cause you can read it on Esther's blog. So.. fast foward.

I'm right now very tired, both eyes half closed. I'm trying very hard to finish typing this blog anyway.. I haven't been blogging in a very long time. So yeah. See how good I am?

We went and eat Mcs with Shao Dong, Weixun, Shu yong, Yunzhen and me! Shao dong treated us, so nice. =D I ate hotcakes with sausage. And we talked and talked and I reached home at around 1? Maybe. I didn't check the clock and it's nearly 3 now. And then I started checking my mails etc. And I realised that I hate 50 new messages. I was like "WOW." And oh yah. Shao Dong suggested going to the movies for CCO people. Yay. Cause the movie is very likely " I AM LEGEND."

I'm not very sure, but I think you know as much as I do. If not more. I don't wanna lose my face infront of you. The way that you're so self confident just pisses me off. Do you have to stuff everything in my face for me to swallow it with a smile? What was that "My gf is way way pretty." about? Do I really look like I give a damn about your overexistent sex life?

2007-12-25T21:42:00.000+08:00

Well, it's been a long time since I've felt this way...
Maybe I've been infected by my friend. Or just that I have all along felt this way, just that I've managed to suppress these feelings.

Do I like him?
Do I hate him?
I don't really care. He just annoys me. Annoying, thank you very much. Irritating and annoying. Everytime he passes by, he will leave me thinking more and more. About myself. Self-reflection? 'Ch, more like self-pity. Pity for what I cannot be, Pity for what I am, Pity for what I never was. Such fun. I didn't really realise that my 15th Christmas was spent ~~talking~~ arguing with my friend.

"I hate you."
"*raises eyebrow*"
"You just ruined my Christmas."
"Like you are better off doing anything else."
"pssh... I wanted to go to Borders. Buy stuff you know?"
"You actually read?"
"Yes, thank you Mr. Sarcastic"
"You're very welcome. But friends are more important than books."
"Says who?"
"Well, someone told me that when I was arguing with my friend."
"=.=" , Pass me my pillow."
"I'm a guest."
"Wow, I just realise that. Now shut it and pass me the pillow."
"And you told me that you were worried about me."
"I was. Now go away, I'm gonna blog."
"...I'm going to sleep."
"Be my guest."
"I am."
"=.="" "

Well, my Christmas was spent arguing with Mr. Sarcastic. Oh what fun.

2007-12-25T02:00:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

Actually, I wouldn't even have time to update this blog until Yunzhen started to visit everyone's blog. Even those I didn't know. Oh and, Yunzhen said "HI." And Esther too. WoW. =))

Right Now, the THREE MUSKETEERS are currently having their christmas sleepover at Esther's house. (Yunzhen, ME, Esther) May I mention Esther's house is SUPER BIG. =)) I like big houses, it has a lived-in feel.
I just had a quite sortafun christmas at the Changi beach club. WOW. >.< I went to the first party of my whole life. Yay. I'm a cavewoman, sue me.

So anyway, I don't know what to type anymore, cause I really have nothing to say to you.

I miss you too.

2007-12-08T20:25:00.000+08:00

Well, I haven't updated for very long haven't I? Well I was out of Singapore. I had access to internet, but oh well, too busy for it.

Let's start with the day I returned to Singapore, shall we? It was nearly midnight of 5th. I was overly exhausted. I don't know, the plane just somehow sucked all my energy out. Oh yeah, when I was overseas, one guy asked me if I was from Japan or Korea. I thought Japanese and Koreans were supposed to be fair... oh well.

The next day I had erhu exam. I felt like a failure. I had to memorise 3 songs in 2 hours. Barely 2 hours. I really have to thank Cyndi(is that how you spell it?), if not for her, I'd have failed or something. Even thought I'm so sure my marks barely made it. I was like so guilty man. I don't even feel good talking about it like this.

The following day, I watched a movie with Yunzhen. At first it was supposed to be with Yunzhen, me and Esther. But poor Esther fell asleep after being deprived of sleep for 2 days. She was M.I.A until we were about the step into the cinema. But we're having a k-box session soon. *smiles* The movie was Fred Claus. It was funny but not hilarious. I wanna watch Get Smart or Alvin and the Chipmunks. I think they're both funny. But Fred Claus had its moments. Overall, I liked the plot. I never viewed siblings that way before. I mean, my sister is something like Nick Claus but I'm not like Fred Claus.(I hope not) I mean my sister is like almost perfect that it puts a golden cloud over your eyes and erases her bad points. Well, for me, I'm mostly like a small tree that stands in the big tree's shadow not because it's been overshadowed, but because the small tree's too incompetent and scared to face the sunlight. The big tree cares for the small tree, luckily.

You know something that this trip to overseas made me realise something. I can't stand kids at all. I have been a kid, baby, small child whatever you call it, before too in my life, but I was never so cryish or immature. When I'm supposed to eat, I will eat. You don't need to walk 3 miles so that the littlemissprincess will drink 1 cup of milk. When I'm supposed to sleep, I will sleep. You don't need to travel up and down a mountain to tire littlemissprincess. And when you tell me that you're not going to accompany me to sleep, I don't cry like some tap water that has a screw loose so that everyone suffers from noise pollution. I HATE MY NIECE. I just wanted to strangle her dead whenever she whines. There was one time when I was 1second close to commiting homicide. I'm serious.

2007-11-09T18:07:00.000+08:00

I'M IN 3E. OFFICIALLY.
AND I officially got high fever.

WHY! Now my head hurts so much like it's gonna break apart any time soon. And my whole body is on fire. It burns everywhere and I'm not exaggerating. Oh well. Humans come with sickness, I'm not in the position to complain.

So anyway, these are my classmates:

Chia Hui Xiang 2A
Leung Shan Zhi 2A
Bryan Chua 2A

Tan Ying Glad 2B
Woo Yun Zhen 2B
Yang Meng Ying 2B
Daren Leong 2B
Sean Teo 2B

Iris Tan 2C
Kellie Kok 2C
Jie Min 2C

Wei An 2D
ME 2D
Jia Xin 2D

Ho Kah Min 2E
Loh Ya Xin 2E
Wong Jia Ying 2E

Maureen Lio 2F
Wang Jun Yan 2F
Zhong Jing Jie 2F

Lu Hui Ying 2G
Zeng Jin Qing 2G

Laura Tan 2H
Ng Guang Yi 2H
Keith Woh 2H

Khor Yen Chen 2I
Lin Wan Ting 2I

Shermain Lim 2J
Sim Yi Zhen 2J
Chleo Teo 2J
Andrew Fung 2J
Yan Jian Feng 2J

Ong Tze-Tjie 2L
Oon Li Yu 2L

Well, that's about it. I know some of them. I don't know most of them.

2007-11-08T17:35:00.000+08:00

Today I was out buying stuff and went to the airport to meet yunzhen and fawn only to find out that they were waiting for luo somethingsomething. forgive me, I cannot remember names for god's sake. So I rolled my eyes. LOL. Anyway, today was like the most boring day? Yeah, going out is boring, staying home is fun. =] Now let's move on to stupid tests I did today.

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal.
You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk.

You should major in:

Philosophy
Music
Theology
Art
History
Foreign language

When I saw this, I was like "I think so too~!"

Your Dominant Thinking Style: Exploring

You thrive on the unknown and unpredictable. Novelty is your middle name.
You are a challenger. You tend to challenge common assumptions and beliefs.

An expert inventor and problem solver, you approach everything from new angles.
You show people how to question their models of the world.

Does it fit me? Maybe! =]

You Are 80% Sociopath

The good news is that you're devastatingly charming.
The bad news? You mostly use those charms for evil!

I'm 80% crazy??

2007-11-07T20:21:00.000+08:00

Silence is all I hear.
Silence is all I'll get.

I can hear the deafening silence. For how long? How long have I been sitting here staring at nothing in particular. Oh look, the tree swayed again. The wind had been blowing from the east for the past few hours. How long exactly? The clock ticks away while I stay corpsed in my room. The only sound I can hear is the beating of my heart pumping life in my ribcage. I can't help but think how ridiculous that such a small thing should control our entire life.

I'm the biggest mistake in your life.
The regret that is here to stay.
I'm the stained blood on the heaven's knife.
The price that you've yet to pay.

I'm the black spot on the ashen parchment.
The permanent ink that's forever there.
I'm the devil sinned without judgments,
The guilt that creeps through everywhere.

I'm that scar on your immaculate skin,
The ashamed memory that hides deep within.
I'm the frown amidst all the smiles,
The hideous truth among all the lies.

I'm the pebble that limps your foot,
The molehill that trips your hoof.
I'm the only troublesome kid in the class,
The horrible past no one ever seem to get pass.

I'm the hole in the perfect ground.
The treasure that can't be found,
The curse that you can't break,
The only mistake you'll ever make.

P.S I should REFRAIN from writing poems.

2007-11-06T21:06:00.000+08:00

Well. I've decided to... become a loner. Well I guess it might help in many ways, but I've always thought, "How do I find group members like that?" Haha.. Ok, That was a bad joke.

Well, it wouldn't hurt to become enclosed to the world nowadays, would it..? A secret revealed is a weakness known. *sigh* Let's just say this world is horrid. Filthy. Disgusting. What word could fit it more? And humans are ugly. No wonder they try so hard to be beautiful. I'm ugly.

Did you pay attention to the little girl that passes here everyday?
The girl that walked this route without fail.
The girl with black hair and even blacker eyes.
The girl that always wore a broken smile.

Have you ever noticed the little girl who used to talk to you?
The girl who talked with everyone she met on the street too.
The girl that talked about her dreams in life.
The girl whom told you her favourite things were knifes.

Can you remember what the little girl's habits were?
The girl whose favourite word was "never".
The girl who liked to drum her fingers nonstop.
The girl who'll always smile and say, "Dreams are never fullstops."

Can you?
Have you?
Could you?
Would you?

You can.
But you haven't.
You could.
But you won't.

P.S. This wasn't meant to be a poem, but oh well. Words spill unnecessarily in my brain.

2007-11-02T15:37:00.000+08:00

Well. it's been practically a month since I last updated. I'm not guilty. Noone's reading anyway. But since my friend wanted to visit my blog, I guess I should update my blog in courtesy of him. Thank me, EeSheen. =))

Life is still life. Such a mundane thing. My homework is untouched. I wish for my hands to get cracking and my brain to start its procession business but I guess they were dead since the exams finished. Oh well.

Now I don't even feel a thing anymore. Should I call it fast adaptation or numb to changes? I don't know. But now, to me, waking up is the same as sleeping. While eating I can't even taste if the food's nice anymore. Am I sick of life? Nah, that can't be it, I've still got so many things I wanna do in life. Just that, there's so emotional jab there anymore. No excitement fills my life. The feelings are just at the bay I guess. No tides rushing out anymore, just calm waves overlapping one another.

Today I waited for my mum outside the operating theatre and got extremely bored so I stared at the sign "Opearating theatre" and went right into stoning. Then the nurse had to come and shake me to tell me to go in... LOL. I really went off into another dimension, huh?

During those highlights of my life, I remember you. I miss you so much, it hurts to feel alive.

2007-10-11T16:14:00.000+08:00

So.. Volleyball.

It's been a long time since I've stepped into action and actually felt like I could do something to help the situation. Long time. That nervousness I've always held back is still there. It had never left. I've always thought that if I didn't care, it'll go away. Now I know better. I HATE crowds.

Today I saw him again. Faint. But I saw him again. That feeling of ..what? Excitement? Nervous? Butterflies? I don't know. But I just wanted to walk away after seeing him. Seeing from afar is enough. Why was he here? I kept a straight face and brushed past him. He won't notice. He never did anyway.

2007-10-06T20:50:00.000+08:00

Just thought that maybe it's time to change a new skin.. well. i like this skin.

Just sitting alone in my empty house make my thoughts go wild. Gloomy walls seem in sink into my soul even more. Where am I gonna go with this I wonder? Damn, too many thoughts and I can't seem to collect all of them.. Seems like my thoughts just pass through me or something.

Sitting in the midst of nothingness, I finally realized one thing. Actually 2 things really, boredom and loneliness. Funny how darkness makes you look at it in the eye and get flustered by it. Don't get me wrong. I fell in love with darkness long ago. It's just that, the more you feel it, the more it's there. It'll never leave you alone after that. Once you get too used to darkness being there, you can't stand people. That's what happened to me.

I tried to tolerate, but how far can one's tolerance go? I just can't stand crowds. I can tolerate just being around Vanessa, hear her talking. But it just scares me if I'm part of a big crowd, lucky I don't have alot of friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm not scared of talking infront of alot of people or anything. I just feel that when I'm part of big crowds, it's too bright. It's out of my comfort zone, out of my darkness.

gosh, I sound like a vampire, ever forbidden to walk under the sun's rays. Hey, I'm not that bad.. Just that I feel so "out-there", so bare with so many people around me. I prefer to be closed up I guess.

I've seen the darkness, I've seen the rain,
And I know I'll never see you again.

2007-09-19T21:45:00.000+08:00

This really feels like I'm writing my diary. Coz I'm like writing on my lab-top and the thing is altering my handwriting if not It'll be unreadable.

So.. onto my boring life. These few days I haven't been updating my blog coz I just moved my house.so I shall post uber long one for you all ( for those reading.) I feel alot of disappointment happening to me lately, I haven't been hardworking and it really shows in my marks. Am I really fit for my goal? I feel so lost without you.I desperately need you here with me. I didn't know the importance till you left. Absence makes the heart grows fonder. It really does. I miss you like crazy.

No words can describe how much, miss you. would you rather say something & regret it... or never say anything and regret it. But, l'm selfish, I don't wanna regret at all. Your voice is still in my head. Your presence is still within my conscience, then why are you gone? Missing... wasn't that just days ago that told myself that I was gonna go or just fine? whet had happened to that resolve? why did it just evaporated when you walk through that gate... ? Didn't it mean anything more than a few lines? Maybe in my heart, there'll always be a private room locked especially for you. No one can replace you. I knew that long ago. Inner me just didn't wanna accept it.I always ran away from reality.

Only you knew me the best. you knew me better than I knew myself. I never did and never could lie to you. It just wasn't possible. 4 years seem like 4 decades. Everyday I wake up and look at the calendar. See, you made me pick up that stupid habit. 1 day really passes so slowly. There was never a point in my life where I had no means and ways to contact you. You'd always be on the other side of the phone. when phones don't work and Internet is useless, what am I supposed to do? I'm staring at the phone willing it to light up and ring that ringtone I put for your calls. Bui it just never comes. should I be disappointed? Maybe I should. But somewhere in my heart, I know that you're alright and I'm appeased by just knowing that. God, I must be going mad.

This feeling of.. what? Emptiness? Loneliness? Misery? Missing? Awaiting? I don't know anymore, You know I was never good at expressing myself. This feeling that gnaws on me... Refuses to let it go. I can't. I really feel like I'm going crumble underneath all these. Crying has never been my forte. But, if it would help me erase all there stupid emotions, I'd cry a river. You used to tell me before. Crying is stupid. It really is.

The place where you used to be is now a hole. I find myself walking around it in the day and falling in at night, I miss you like hell.

2007-09-05T14:45:00.000+08:00

Well, I realised that I haven't been posting much these days.. Well. What can I post anyway.. not that much interesting things have been happening here lately..

My mum's been sick and I can't do anything much. Feeling more useless these days. Can't do anything right I guess. I feel like the water's reaching up to my chin. I'm going to drown soon. That few seconds between life and death seem to tick by slowly. People say when you're going to die, flashes of your past goes right by your eyes. I wonder if that's true. I wonder if I'll ever remember anything from the past. Maybe I'll be able to... Maybe. Settled right between dreams and realities, it's horrible. Tredding between that thin line of abyss, will I be able to trace back my steps? Should I go forward? Should I go back? Should I hope for my dreams? Should I stand earthed to my ground?

Confusing between 2 parrallel lines. Now I understand. Heaven and Earth. They'll never mingle. But raindrops let the earth know, feel, what exists up in the sky. Some sort of connection? Is the sky crying to the fact that even though they'll face each other throughout eternity, they'll never get to be friends? I'm right infront of you, but I'm a million miles away.

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

I never needed anyone. Never ever.

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take.

I know exactly how many steps you took before you turned around and smiled. The steps that you took before you were completely out of my life. Forever. Could you retrace those steps?

If the point of hurting started from the point of breaking, before the end comes, I'm willing to love you again.

2007-08-27T20:51:00.000+08:00

Well.. I've been told by my alot of friends, (a.k.a Vanessa, Yunzhen, Fawn, whoever-i-forgot-to-mention-you-know-who-you-are), that my blog is full of emo stuff. I beg to differ, if you read closely, you will notice that my thoughts are just a teeny bit normal, as in, not happy not sad. But oh well. Anyway, recently, I've been thinking. (Vanessa, I know if you're reading this, you'll be like, "again?")

As I watch my sister pack her bags, I can't help but think, is this the last time I'll be seeing her? For the next 3 years, will I see none of her and let my ears do the work? Now I realise how hard a syllable can be when the person on the other side is a million miles away.

"Lol. I'll definitely see you again." Why are you so stupid? Of course I'll miss you.
"Yeah, yeah, hurry up and go. If not I'll get scolded by mum again." Why don't you just say goodbye before you leave? You know I definitely won't be the one saying it.

They say actions speak a thousand words. They're wrong. No one can hear my unspoken words as clearly as you do. Many people think they can read between my lines, see through my words, but they're looking in the other direction. Don't see. Listen. Don't judge. Feel. Listen and feel everyone movement of living. No one knows it better like you. I'm never the one to say those cliche words, you know I won't be. I'm never the one to say words like, "Take care, Goodbye, Love you lots." Instead, maybe I'll be saying, "Get going, you know I won't miss you." or " 'Ch, it's much better without you."

Don't read between my lines. Just listen between my pauses.

2007-08-26T19:58:00.000+08:00

Lots of people tell me that my blog posts are too chim-nish. Well, sorry, I shall try to write more normally.

Have I really grown a year older? It seemed as if nothing as changed. The clock goes on normally, the water drips again. Nothing has any apparent change or what-so-ever. But, really, what kind of change was I expecting? A major earthquake? 'Psh. How scary time works... It numbs the feeling to any changes, but changing things every day. So now we have to be alert, feel every beat of your heart, feel the hair whipping your small strands of hair, count the steps that you take. Those minor things, who knows? You might die the next second.

Upon fetching my mum from Kallang, I chanced upon an artist drawing. It didn't contain much, just 2 figures look right at each other, face to face, so close that their noses were almost touching. Might have looked like a couple to most, but I was sad to see such a picture. What's the point of being so close when no emotions are reflected in their eyes? Must have been painful to be so close. The picture just seemed to be talking to me, telling me, "You're right infront of me, but it seems like you're a million miles away." Maybe it's just me, because I see alot of people going, "Aww.. so cute." And alot of people clapped. I've tried to erase that image away from my brain. But everytime I close my eyes, I can just see two people looking at each other with nervousness? Disgust? Loneliness? I don't know. But it makes me sympathise with them.

You can never break my heart. Why? Cause it already broken.

2007-08-25T20:21:00.000+08:00

I haven't blogged in very long. This tone of my had once been a visitor, but it I had learnt to say goodbye to it very long ago. Now that it came back, I almost have a nostalgic feel. What is this? Loneliness? Anger? Self-pity? I don't really know anymore. I'm too tired to figure it out. It'll only come to a point where I'm going to drown myself.

It's a pity this feeling came back. Today's my birthday. August 25 clearing, distinctively circled on my calender. But it seemed to go past like any normal day. My mom's out. My sister's out. I'm alone at home. 'Ch. I'm being too childish again. Birthday is nothing more than a day a person grows older. Birthday just reminds you that you're going to die faster. No point in it. That's what I've been told. But still, a rebellious part of my disagrees. It should be filled with smiles. Don't you think? Well. No point in asking anyway. I was never worth anything, was I? Not worth the money spent on me, Not worth the love I have been given, Not even worth the help I got. I don't know how or why I got this idea, but I just knew.

I feel like I'm gonna disappear. I feel like I'm alone in the room. I feel like I've lost my voice. I don't know. I just feel. I can feel my temper rising, but strangely, I can't let it go. It's stuffed inside this human body of mine. I know that if it's compressed too long, I'll just burst. No one will notice anyway. I didn't need anyone anyway. My sister used to tell me lack of friends did not mean you'll die. Strange huh? I've never had someone that knew me long enough to play for me back the song of my heart.

Happy birthday Nyein,
from me.

2007-08-19T06:08:00.000+08:00

I don't know what I should update for you know? Cause I got nothing to say.. HMMM... currently in the process of thinking what I should write.. Oh well.. Let's write about my 1st lesson on B-boying =))

Well.. I went there at like 3? And I thought I was late.. turned out that the instructor was doing a show and was late. =)) So... I stood at the doorway of o-school cause there are alot of people inside and I don't wanna stand inside. There were at least 10 guys in my class.. Didn't really bother to count because I was busy playing my sudoku and listening to my music that I didn't hear the person call out my name to tick my attendence. LOL. When I went to the dancing room thingy.. I thought "Just great, no girls." But when the lesson was about to start that time. I saw one girl. Woots. Thanks alot whatever-your-name-is. Alot of people wore boardshorts or 3/4s. I was glad I didn't wear those. I kept falling down when I tried to do freezes and my knees hurt. I got a big bruise on my knee! KH taught us 3 kinds of freeze but I can't do any of them properly yet.. KH teach so fast seh.. But then it was fun. It was very tiring too. Everyone was sweating in an air-con room. I thought my shirt was gonna drop if I do a freeze but surprisingly, KH only taught us the leg in the air sort of freeze. PHEW. My arms hurts... esp my right arm cause right handed mah, right hand do the supporting one. *sigh* My wrists hurt too. My guts hurt too. Cause it seems that the trick actually is to put your elbows inside your gut when doing the freeze to support your body. But your body weight goes to your head. Yeah. abit confusing so must try out alot of times... Hope I can get better. I'm like totally lousy cause some guys in my class already know how to do alot of freezes le. I think they got learn bboy before or its that guys have more strength that's why. Oh yah. I learnt that alot of guys cannot stretch. When we were doing warm ups they like cannot touch toes at all one. LOL. Well. I guess that's all.

WIsh me good luck! =))

I wanna be that sweet girl.

2007-08-14T05:27:00.000+08:00

I shall do this cause I'm bored in the morning...

1. Spell your name without vowels: NY. ???
2. Are you single? Yup.
3. What's your favorite number? 08.
4. What color do you wear most? It's either white or dark blue.
5. Least favorite color?: Depends on the shade, situation, what it's on and everything.
6. What are you listening to? Give it to me - Timbaland feat. Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake
7. What do you smoke? None.
8. Are you happy with your life right now? Maybe.
9. Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity? Yeah. One time. It was funny.
10. What is your favorite class in school? Maths. =))
11. Do you shop at hollister/abercrombie/AE? What's that?
12. How do you make money? Seriously, how do you make money?
13. Who is your best friend? _________
14. Are you outgoing? Seeing from my test, no, I'm an introvert.
15. One word to describe you? Nyein! =))
16. Favorite pair of footwear? Sportshoes or sneakers.
17. Do you own big sunglasses? No.They look stupid on me.
18. Where do you wish you were right now? Japan.
19. What should you be doing right now? Revision.
20. Do you have a crush on anyone right now? According to Justin Seah, Nope.

THE CANS:
Can you blow a bubble?: Yeah, after many failures.
Can you dance? Going to learn.
Can you do a cart wheel? No.
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: No. I know, I'm a bad kisser.
Can you touch your toes?: Duh. Yes I can.
Can you whistle?: No. =((
Can you wiggle your ears?: No.
Can you wiggle your nose?: No.
Can you roll your tongue?: Yeah.

THE DIDS:
Did you ever get into a fist fight at school?: Nah, I'm an obedient girl.
Did you ever run away from home?: No.
Did you ever want to be a doctor?: Yeah, and I still do.
Did you ever want to be a fire fighter?: No..

THE DOS:
Do you believe in God?: No.
Do you know how to swim?: Yeah.
Do you like roller coasters?: Depends, Fun or not?
Do you own a bike?: Nope.
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: No, I'd puke right away.

THE DOES:
Does hair loss run through your family? Nobody has hair loss.
Does your car get good gas mileage?: >????
Does your family have family picnics?: No.

THE HOWS:
How did you find out about Friendster?: Friends I guess.
How many Friendster friends have you met in person?: Eh.. Almost all is my real friend.
How tall are you?: 160cm.. stop discriminating short people.
How much money do you have on you right now?: Why should I tell you?

THE LASTS:
Last person you hung out with? Yunzhen.
Last thing you said out loud? Why she scold me?
Last thing someone said to you?: Eat leh.

THE WHATS:
What are you listening to?: Gwen Stefani - Sweet Escape.
What is the temperature outside? Morning so a bit colder?
What radio station do you listen to?: It's been so long since i last listened to radios.
What was the last restaurant you ate at?: Eh... Jade Restaurant?
What was the last thing you bought?: Coffee Bun.
What was the last thing you had to drink?: Milk
What was the last thing on TV you watched: I don't watch TV.

THE WHOS:
Who is your newest friend that added you on Friendster?: James?
Who was the last person you MSNed: Eh.. Sarah I think...
Who talked to you on the phone last?: Yunzhen?
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: China trip that time I think.
Who was the last person to leave you a comment?: Nil
Who was the last person you said I love you to?: ...noone?

CRYING SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out? No.
Ever cried yourself to sleep? That's quite stupid.
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder? No.
Ever cried over the opposite sex? No. That's quite stupid.
Do you cry when you get an injury? No. That's stupid too.
Do certain songs make you cry? ??? It's just a SONG!
Do certain movies make you cry? No. Like what?

HAPPY SECTION:
Are you a happy person? Duh. I'm a happy-go-lucky girl.
What can make you happy? A new laptop?
Do you wish you were happier? Not really.
Is being happy overrated? Quite.
Can music make you happy? Yeah!

HATE SECTION:
Do you actually hate anyone?: No. Hating is troublesome. You actually have to remember that person's name.
Ever made a hit list? No.
Have you ever been on a hit list? Maybe? Since I used to anger alot of people.
Are you a mean bully? No. I'm a caring and gentle girl.

SELF ESTEEM SECTION:
Is your self-esteem extremely low? That's what lots of people say.
Do you believe in yourself? No.
Are you good looking? No.
Do you wish you could be someone else? Yeah.

LOOK AT ME:
What is your current hair color? Black. But I have alot of different colour hair on my head. Like red, gold, yellow, orange etc.
Current piercings? Yeah. I got a couple.
Have any tattoos? No.
Straight hair or curly: Straight!

HAVE YOU EVER:
Hugged someone? Hmm... I think so.
Been on the phone until the sun came up? No.
Laughed so hard you peed in your pants? No.
Laughed so hard you cried? No.
Got in a fight with someone? Yeah.

RANDOM.
Do you like surveys? Yeah. You get to see how stupid peoples' qns are.
Do you get along with your parents? Not really.
Do you have mental breakdowns? Maybe soon. =P
Did you ever tell your parents you didn't feel good so you didn't have to go to school? Nope. Not that that will work ever.

CURRENT:
Current mood: Bored.
Current music: Good Charlotte - Keep your hands off my girl
Current hair style: Short? and spiky? [if i spike]
Current crush: Noone.
Current thing I ought to be doing: Revision.
Current windows open: iTunes, Safari
Current desktop picture? Tiger skin?

This quiz is quite boring but I shall do cause I have nothing better to do early in the morning. Well.. Maybe besides my revision.

2007-08-12T07:47:00.001+08:00

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

Personality

You are more logical than emotional, more concerned about others than concerned about self, more atheist than religious, more loner than dependent, more workaholic than lazy, more rebel than traditional, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more idealist than cynical, more leader than follower, and more introverted than extroverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are innovative (93%), adventurous (75%), greedy (55%).

Stereotypes
Emo Kid	78%
Geek	71%
Punk Rock	67%

Life Experience
Sex	0%
Substances	3%
Travel	0%

Politics
Your political views would best be described as Socialist, whom you agree with around 83% of the time.

Socioeconomic
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Upper Class. You make more than 0% of those who have taken this test, and 100% less than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated G.
By the way, your hottness rank is 26%, hotter than 0% of other test takers.

TAKE THE TEST
brought to you by thatsurveysite

I'm the emo kid... LOL. and just because I put nothing for my income doesn't mean I'm poor okay! *hmph*
And I'm upper class? haha. I'm more loner than dependent! go me! I'm more realistic too! =) THe rest I believe you can read for yourself

2007-08-10T20:20:00.000+08:00

Well, now that I have nothing to do, I shall blog. Not really nothing to do.. but oh well. Nothing I'd do better at the moment.

I've been thinking. (again) Maybe I wasn't built to go into the world. But to be protected.
Many people said I'm strong. Mentally and Physically. But really, what is real strength? Is strength the hardening of the heart? Or the softness of it to dare to love? Is strength holding on till your whole body hurts? Or is it just to simply let go? Is strength to go through every single storm? Or just the will to wait for a rainbow? Is strength learning to accept harsh reality or daring to dream?

They are alot differnt types I guess. Like I always say. 2 sides of a coin. People are not 2 dimensional. They're 3 dimensional. But they are contradicting aren't they? Tell me, is it the complexity of a question that people think it's simple? Or is it the simplicity of the question that makes people suspicious? Kinda amusing ain't it? A play with words, I guess. Love or Lust? True love never contains lust. Or is it that love encompasses lust? We'll never know... will we? The world is full of questions. Or is it that the world contains so many answers that people give questions to them? This is entertaining.

One day, maybe the time will come when all questions will be answered and all doubts will be cleared. Maybe.

Today somehow I pissed my mom off-ed again. I don't know why. I just seem to anger people easily, don't I? People are always dis-satisfied with me. I'm less than imperfect. *chuckles* This is such a sick joke. Well... not that I like pleasing people but... could somebody tell me why nobody's satisfied with me? Why there's always something wrong with me.

If i were gone
No one would care
It's not like you see
Me sitting there
And no one ever
Hears what i say
Yet i tarry on
Day by day
In hopes that someone,
That someone will see
What really goes on
Inside of me
But everyone's blind In my world
And no one watched
As my life unfurled
Because it wasn't special
And it wasn't grand
And i wasn't born with
A silver spoon in my hand
Now no one cares
Bout this lil girl
Because everyone cared
When i came in this world
And i didn't notice
I let them all down
I turned all their smiles Into nothing but frowns
There's no words to describe
How much I hated myself

2007-08-06T21:45:00.000+08:00

Well I shall not be emo anymore and type emo stuff. But oh well. What can I say?

I'm feeling okay nowadays. Not really unhappy anymore. And today I did something very stupid. You know in MRT there're alot of carriages right? Yeah. Me, Esther LIM and Yunzhen decided that we would get on the first cabin/carriage (whatever you call it), but the train came just when we came onto the platform so we just boarded on the middle cabin/carriage. And Esther suggested that every stop, we'll get out and run a few cabins so that gradually we'll reach the first cabin. If you still don't understand what I mean, it means like every stop, MRT doors will open right? yeah, then you get out, then you run to the next door or the next next door to get to the first cabin/carriage. So it's like run as much as you can, then get in before the MRT door closes on you. Then we were still carrying the ERHU and I felt damn retarded la. But oh well, it was fun. Then we almost ran to the last cabin. Until Yunzhen said we might be able to make it inside the MRT cause the MRT is very packed. *sigh* That's all for my boring day. And for your information, I'm typing with my right hand, cause my left is currently injured. Internal bleeding I think.

Tell me. If I changed my face, would you notice me?

I'm scared of falling in love. There I said it.
You can't? You scared? I'm falling for you.

2007-08-05T09:03:00.000+08:00

I don't even know what to do anymore.

Well. I thought I could post a post which was celebrating the end of exams. [at least for now] But oh well. Lots of things have been pressurizing me.

White and black used to fill my world.
But I liked them.
No colours.
Just white and black.
A clear cut I guess, decisive thoughts.
But now. white and black have turned gray.
Is gray more like white or more like black?
Which way should I go?
Contradictions blocked my path.
Focus left my eyes.
Now I'm all mixed up.
I don't like colours.
Just give me back my white and black.

Oh well. I'm spouting nonsensical stuff again. Is there such thing as an unconditional love? I wonder. I feel like my life has no goal. Well, if you count not getting my mother angry. I guess there is a goal. Can I stay mute and never talk again? Cause I feel as though my existence has no use or whatsoever. I'm like a ghost. I'm there but I'm ignored, unseen nor acknowledged. What have I done wrong? Nobody can now catch hold of my oil-slicked hands. Slicked with wrong-doings which I don't know. I'm slipping. I'm falling. I'm going and gone.

An existence that was never recognised. A happiness that was never felt. A sadness that was never cared. A person that was never loved.
People I cared for?
Who did I care for anyway? Didn't you say I was selfish?
People that loved me?
No, I never recognised any of them.
Why?
Cause there're none.

So, I'll go. I'll walk that long road alone and see where it leads me.
Maybe you're right.
I was born to be failure.
Or maybe you're wrong.
Maybe I was just born to walk alone.

I've made up my mind. You won't recognise me now. Not that you did before anyway.

Long before, I wanted to see your smile.
Smiling at me through the day.
That was impossible wasn't it?
I wanted to see your eyes.
Now you won't even look at me.

Sometimes the one you love can’t be there for you. Sometimes because they can’t. Sometimes because they won’t. Sometimes it’s better not to find out.

2007-07-30T20:29:00.000+08:00

Well... looking back from what I did a few minutes ago, I feel like laughing. Laughing at my pathetic self. I came home with Yunzhen, both so goddamn tired from the dazu practice. I mean.. who wouldn't be, but I shan't talk about it and if you would like to know, come and ask me. Just thinking about it is enough to make me blood boil and evaporate.

Well, basically I came home like any normal child, tired from school, kicked off my shoes. I saw my sister and my mum sitting at the TV. Basically I expected some recognition. A "You came back so late!" or "What were you DOING in school?" would have been nice. Well, much nicer than the cold shoulder at least. Ok. So I'm ignored. Never mind. My mum's having mood swings again, went to my room to put down my bag. That boulder practically slipped off my aching and sore shoulders. I need a massage. In need of one. Okay. Off topic. And I ate in silence. Total silence. I could hear the beating of my heart. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Keeping working hard, Heart. You'll die someday along with me. Damn I'm sadistic. I could feel the vibration of each and every pulse that flow through my arms, down to my fingers - fingertips. Transferring to the fork and spoon I was holding. I feel my leg muscles - Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. How can I feel so much? I shook and my head and went back to eat. I could feel my tongue muscle moving. Tasting every bump and pieces of food in my mouth. My steel and hard braces. Friction through it. Swallow the food down, through my oesophagus down to my stomach. I took another bite at my meal. Eggs. Nice. Then I thought to myself : Man, it's silent. The silent was so deafening that I would much rather appreciate heavy metal blasting at my ears. Silent crawled up my neck. My neck hairs standing. Went up sliding past my cheeks. My cheeks somehow filled with colour. I turned around : Nobody. So I guess I'm alone afterall.

After that I was muttering nothngs. They were pieces of my psyche that I couldn't grasp and couldn't put to words easily. How do you put your heart onto paper. Or rather computer? It just aint that easy. I don't even know what I'm feeling myself.

I'm tired. And I'm fucked up.

Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out. It's true you know. A living and walking example just typed you her day.

2007-07-28T06:12:00.000+08:00

Well.. you know what I found out...? I found out that I should really be a counsellor. I mean... I can counsel so many people.. Cause you know what? People are getting so lost inside their feelings that they forget simple meanings and simple and straightforward answers.

*sigh* Waking up at 3 o'clock to find that it's 3 am and my mother is currently dozing off infront of the TV. Oh well.. but it still hurts to find that my mother who once had the energy of 20 elephants put together so fragile now. Changes. Oh well.. The only thing constant is change isn't it?

I guess I changed too. After all that, who wouldn't? Our changes aren't that drastic I guess.. For this one thing, I feel lucky. Now, currently its 6. My whole house is asleep. Well.. We ate our breakfast then they fell asleep again. Except me. I can't sleep a wink after I'm woken, unless I'm super sleepy and you woke me up for like 10 minutes. Why am I talking about this again? Oh ya. now it's 6.. it's 6.02 actually. I see a patch of darkness. Sinking into that darkness, I dream. Heck. I dream alot don't I? Dreaming of how things would turn out if I wasn't a girl. Dreaming of how things would turn out if I was born. Dreaming of how things would turn out if my dad didn't die. Dad. It's a foreign word to me. Why of all things am I thinking of father now? God I'm going insane. Oh well.. let's continue my train of thoughts. Maybe I'd end up as the 'Daddy's girl'? Maybe. Maybe I'd end up being miscarriged? Maybe. Maybe I'd end being the handsomest guy ever? Maybe. Lol... I don't really feel like laughing right now. All the emotions built up inside of me, they just feel like exploding.. Letting it all go. Maybe I wasn't made for this harsh reality. Maybe I'm not strong enough. Or maybe.. maybe just because I refuse to accept. Accepting aint that easy. Accepting is like bowing your head to your sworn enemy. Not that I ever had one, but yah.. a fitting comparison if you ask me. Accepting so many things at one time can really make a person go crazy I guess.

Nobody told me breaking out would be this hard. Nobody told me responsibility could weigh a ton. Nobody told me not caring would be the hardest of all. Because I had noone to tell me I guess. Not to get hurt? The easiest way is not to care, but not caring is the hardest to do. Remember that sentence? You told me that. I'll always remember it. Who were you trying to fool? Did you tell me to convince me? Or rather to convince yourself? I know. I know all about you. Maybe even more than you know. Why? That I don't know. But the day when you'll hear me say that few words will never come. That is not a fact, but an agreement. An angreement I'll never break.

Sometimes thoughts of you
Cascade back to memory
From where they have laid concealed
Unwanted, buried
Pushing them away
Forces them closer to me
Causing my heart to lunge
My soul falling from my being
I keep telling myself
I dont want you
But I miss your laughter
The light echos
You never said you loved me
And that is what tears
Knowing you wont remember me
Or long for me near
I do miss you.

2007-07-24T14:15:00.000+08:00

Hello People!!! *sigh* what was I talking about in the last few posts anyway? Who cares...

Right now I'm slacking in Com Lab 2 because I'm waiting for the right time to go to my dental appointment. What shall I do? Well, I'm doing one thing.. Playing games on popcap.com.. Oh well, I like that game web alot cause the games are like super nice! Ok I'm talking crap.. What shall I say? Okay.. My IDMI project may just be good because well, we took a right [wrong and right the right] turn. That's good..

LoL. I was playing this typing tutor game.. the shark game thingy.. I think that my typing skills never improve and just to let you know.. even though I type fast, it's SO not accurate.. It's like ALWAYS WRONG ... and my accuracy is like 94% the most only.. I wish I could type better.. LOL. and my fastest accurate typing speed is like only 63%.. MUST TRAIN!!

anyway.. Ok I officially have nothing to talk about.. *sigh*

Why is it that every time I see you smile at somebody else, my heart sinks just a little bit more?

2007-07-18T20:58:00.000+08:00

Well.. Generally I shall labour it the "TIRED DAY!" cause we walked alot. Oh yah, for those people who don't know what I'm talking about, I went on a heritage tour around Singapore River and Little India for our "Preservation but Improving Little India" for our IDMI project. Walk and Walk and walk... I have a bit of flat foot!! I just realised that today. Cause my foot + leg was in pain and then Zhiting, BinBin they all not pain, then they tell me that if flat foot, it'll be pain. At first I don't believe I was flat foot then Yunzhen confirmed it for me... *sigh* Then we went to Little India but no time to do Hanna! So I wanna do when my group go back to take video!!! =)) haha. Today in the morning we play Volleyball!! So fun!! But I was lousy in it. LOL. Haha. Sorry, I kept NOT hitting. I promised I'll be better in our next game! Anyway. Today I was generally happy. So YAY! for me! haha

I got this from Mae's blog cause I was so damn freakin' bored.

-What are the last 3 digits of your mobile number?
% 779.

-What does the 2nd message in your inbox say?
% From SingTel.. You've got a MMS fm SingTel_MMS. View your MMS at http://www.ideas.singtel.com "My MS Inbox" with your IDEAS password within 7 days. LOL.

-Who is the first person who comes under M?
% Mae. LOL.

-Who was the last person you rang?
% My sister.

-Who was your last missed call from?
% Yunzhen.

- Who is the 2nd person who comes up under D?
% Dawn.

-What does the oldest message in your inbox says?
% Nyein! What time u reaching sch? [- by Yunzhen.]

-Who comes up under J?
%Jamie, Jane, Janelle, Jasmine, Jau Loong, Jesslyn, Jiahui, Jiaxin, Jiaxin [hogc], Jinkai, Jolene, Joyce, Junkai, Justin seah, Justin Teng

-Go to your Sent Items - what does the 10th message say?
%Wed I got heritage tour... [to my tuition teacher]

-Who is the 7th person who comes up under S?
%Si yuan

-Who is your gsm/network provider?
%SingTel

-How many messages are currently in your inbox?
%13. I delete my message inbox everyday. =))

=What do you have as your background?
%Kakashi as an ANBU.

=Who is the 2nd person who comes up under R?
%I only have one person whose under R. Rosa.

-Who do you have on speed dial 3?
%-

-If you are on Pay as you Go, how much credit do you have?
%-

-Who is the third person who comes up under C?
%Cherise.

-How many bars of signal do you currently have?
%Full.

--

So far in '07:

-You had a fight?
%Yeah.

-Have you had your birthday?
%Nope.

-Been to temple?
%Yes.

-Cried yet?
%No.

-Drank starbucks?
%Yup. Definitely.

-Gone shopping?
%Yah.

-Gone to the movies?
%Yup.

-Been to the beach?
%Yes.

-Bought something over 200 dollars?
%Yup. But I forgot what.

-Been out of your home state?
%Yeah.

-Gone snowboarding/skiing?
%Nope.

IN THE PAST MONTH:

-Kissed someone?
%Nope.

-Slept in a friend's bed?
%eah.

-Snuck someone over?
%Nope.

-Sneak out of your own house?
%Nope.

-Got in a car?
%Duh.

-Gone over your cell phone bill?
%Nope. I'm a good girl.

-Drove somewhere?
%No.

-Done something you regret?
%No.

LAST:

-Person you hugged:
%Eh.. My sister. She hugged me.

-Person to call you?
%Yunzhen.

-Last time you took a shower?
%Just.

-When was the last time you felt stupid?
%Yesterday. When we went to ask for oschool courses. Fawn and Yunzhen kept laughing at me.

-When was the last time you walked/ran over a mile?
%When I went to the gym.

-Who was the last person that made you cry?
%Hmm.. I think it was my sister. She scolded me when I was 4 years old.

-Who was the last person you watched a movie with?
%Est.

-Who was the last person you danced with?
%Noone.

-Who makes you smile most?
%That's for me to know and for you to find out.

-What are you listening to right now?
%You don't know my name by Alicia Keys.

2007-07-17T19:53:00.000+08:00

Today has GOT to be my MOST unlucky day ever!

Seriously. When I stepped out of my house, everything was still fine. Then when I reached school,I realised forgot to do my homework. Then music lesson we had like 1 whole hour free period cause mr.M didn't come. Me and Vanessa was like stretching... LOL. i'm stretching when I'm like typing this sentence right now... S***, it's damn freakin' painl.Guess I'm not meant to do split eh? *sigh* Oh ya.. about my unlucky day.. Yada Yada all the way THEN MY HANDPHONE GOT CONFISCATED! Freakin' and majorly pissed at the fact, not really pissed at the teacher la cause I mean, it's his job what... But I managed to smile all the way till now cause you see, I'm a genrally a very optimistic girl. I can only see the good in everyone! *angelic*

LOL. Anyway.. I need to save money for some obvious reasons. if you don't know, come ask me, maybe i'll tell you...

Sometimes I feel like I'm going to just sink away and be forever forgotten. I'm going emo again.. *sigh* See la. Stephen's mood swings affect me luh! Now I also emo!

"You can never love me as much as I love you." That's what you said to me. ~~I believe you.~~

2007-07-16T20:55:00.000+08:00

I'm mega-ly pissed today. I don't know why. Everything that frustrated just came out popping today when I was talking the Yunzhen on the way home. I mean like what's so wrong with just wanting to learn a new thing! *sigh* I don't even know what to do, I'm just so fed up with everything. And in the end, it's my fault. It's ALWAYS MY fault. I'm always the one that needs to change. Change my attitude, change my thinking, change my LIFE. Have you ever thought for me? What I want to do? It's not like I'll waste money, Just that I want to do what I LOVE. What's so wrong with THAT!

I'm finding less and less meaning living this life of mine. There's nothing to live for... I know I'm more fortunate than others, just that I want to do what I wanna do. Not what YOU want me to do. Why must I change? Why can't you just accept me for who I am? I am selfish, ignorant, self-centered, insensitive. But that's me. Why can't you just acknowledge it?

"People are all the same, we only get judged by what we do. If I'm ugly then so are you."

2007-07-15T18:02:00.000+08:00

Well what a good student I am, I'm typing this post right in the middle of my history homework. Last minute work? No.. I did it already, but I lost my work and I forgot my points. Way to go Nyein... Anyway Yesterday I got scolded by my erhu teacher again, she say that I don't practice enough, my fingers become very stiff and then cannot press properly or fast enough... I asked myself again: Did I make a correct choice when I chose erhu? Should I have chosen something like percussion instead? Or should I have chosen some other CCA instead? My sister said I could change to volleyball if I want to... =))) But then again, our erhu batch very pathetic leh.. only 8 people inside... What should I do..! It seems abit wasted to quite CO halfway, but it would do me alot of good if I quit it and join something else... anything I guess... =)) Please tell me what I should do cause I'm so confused!

Besides that, I better buck up for all my subjects liao.. I ccan't just rely on my petty luck anymore... And I want to be the very good girl for once... And please hope that i remember to go to gym cause I'm really putting on fats!!!

P.S. My life is too boring, there's nothing more for me to say...

I can't stand you anymore. I can't stand me anymore. I can't stand us anymore. It's not like you don't know. I know you know. It's not like WE don't know. We just don't want to admit do we? Don 't want to admit, Don't want to lose, Don't want to cave in. Don't want to take the first step. But you know it won't work. It just takes a second to walk out that door and never come back in again. It's not like you cared anyway. When did you? I'd rather you give me your cold shoulder every single time. Never walk pass me again. Cause I can't stand it anymore. Why are you here the same time that I am? I dont know. I'm so confused with every little thing you do. Cause I can't see clearly anymore. What do you want me to do? Just sit down and smile and every thing you do to me? I can't do that. You know I can't. I'd rather you walk out that door and never cared for me no more. Not like you did anyway but please do that. Cause I don't want to love you no more. *sigh* I guess you'll always be the one to see me cry.

2007-07-12T19:05:00.000+08:00

Hmm... I shall continue to post cause I realised alot of people reads my blog! yayy! Now onto with my boring life...

Today I went to the HPB [ Health Promotion Board] to take my injection. The injection was something 3rd Booster TD. It wasn't pain and it wasn't scary but man, after that needle and by the time I returned home, my left arm hurts like s***! Didn't know why it hurt too but I couldn't use my hand at all... Well.. before going to the HPB, I had to go to school [duh]. Stephen was acting super weird today, in the morning, he had the "I'm-emo-today" kind of look, then after recess suddenly become "I'm-so-happy-I-could-give-you-my-energy" kind of look. So werid. ANYWAY. We got a maths quiz today. I surely fail it or something... lately my maths become so lousy. I need to buck up...

After that I went to HPB [had vanessa to accompany me there. thank you!] Then I went to take injection and blah blah blah. After that, me and my sister got lost in the outram part mrt. LOL. We got lost in a mrt. That's downright stupid. But ok... then we went home and nothing's so interesting after that... tomorrow morning I'm gonna run... So I shall take a rest now! BYE!

I feel like nothing's so real anymore... but I don't know why, I don't know how. But I do know that I need you to save me from this hell. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. Some tragic hero in action. But you know what, I need you more than anything. Need you more than the air I'm breathing this second. But I'm not the type who'll tell you that.. Stubborn, aren't I? But I also know that you never noticed me. Never took a second glance, Never sensed anything, Never saw anything. Maybe I shall keep this to myself. But do you know that every smile you give me makes me heart skip a beat. Yeah, someday you'll be the death of me... But oh well. I'm going die too aren't I?

2007-07-11T21:31:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I still update my blog, nobody's even reading it... lol... But then leh, I shall update for the sake of updating it...

WOOTS. I changed the blogskin. This one's nice, but I wanna find a nicer one. Maybe I shall make one, I forgot the code liao.. and editing the picture takes up too much time.. I shall ask mae to teach me.
Oh yeah, Does anybody know how to use the newly edition of editing html in the new blog template? I mean like I keep changing the code to fit the error but they say still got what.. "XML element error" I don't like dealing with this s*** that I don't know... Please tag me if you do know.. Coz I wanna create a blog for my sister but the stupid thing keep disturbing me.

*SIGH* I really don't know what to write already... Well, today we had a geog test today.. Well, one could say it was hmmm.... I don't really know how to describe it... hard? difficult? oh yeah, it means the same thing... I'm stupid. But I was so relieved when the test finished. Baxter kept asking me the "----------" question. [censored for safe-keeping purposes] So irritating. You may not know but I don't like it when people ask me stuff that I don't wanna answer. I don't like to tell people that I'm scared of answering or don't know the answer, so I'll just shrug it off or give you some lame answer... Sorry if I did that to you, I just hate it when people ask me questions after a test, it's just ...i don't know... makes me so insecure... Sorry for going offpoint like that...

Anyway... I just have to find a solution for the tiredness I feel every single day. I mean like this is very irrtating. I don't know WHY I'm tired. And my waist just hurts. Is it because of the pull? *sigh* Guys just have too much strength...

"People needs loving most when they deserve it the least."

2007-07-10T13:05:00.000+08:00

This is weird cause I'm updating this blog in school. In computer lesson actually, cause I've long created my own dhsmail and I'm slacking right now... More like I put my status to "I'm NOT available." LOL. Haizz...

So anyway. My life is boring actually. Just that Liu Lao Shi moved me behind already : If you didn't already know that... Now, I'm sitting in the middle of Stephen and Huiyun. It actually easier to concentrate now, and I can eat my AI XIN CAN! haha. Coz the school rules changed that we could eat in class... I LOVE THAT RULE!
My life's becoming very boring and I don't know what stupid good I can achieve out of it. I mean like I feel like we're all going to die soon. Don't say that I'm crazy, I just have this feeling. We are going to die anyway. So I personally couldn't care less. I mean like I'm feeling damn frustrated with all these that have been happening during this period of time. I mean like I'm damn stressed. I don't know why. Recently I've been very extremely tired. I mean like just yesterday, I fell asleep on my mother's bed just because I lied on it for like 5 mins. During the MRT ride home, I fell alseep. Thanks to Liesl, I woke up. Haizz... My sis says I need more sleep but personally I think it's because I'm damn stressed up because of all the things that are currently revolving around me. How would it feel like if I just end it all?

"Thy soul causes men sorrow and suffer. Do you want to know how it feels like to die?"

2007-07-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

Do you know, I'm officially out of my mind. My powerpoint is not working = I can't give Kaiyuan my acc ppt slides = never heed the deadline which is 11.59pm. = I'm so dead. But you see, instead of finding out the problem, I'm updating my blog. I'm such a loyal friend indeed. I feel pity for myself too.

I have so many freaking problems, I wonder how long it will take before I can solve them all... I'm like freaking tired right now, just wanna go to sleep and never wake up until the next night. Haiyo...when am I ever gonna get a good night sleep?

School has been hell, it's like going and coming back from school has no meaning at all... Life has lost its flavour after all...

2007-07-01T08:52:00.000+08:00

I'm am so freakin' sorry. This blog is like so damn abandoned. So I'll shall update you on my june holidays and my current life. Shall feed with enough things! =))

Well June holidays were spent doing some boring stuff. I went to vietnam and china during the hols too. It was hell of a fun! =)) But now, school has reopened and school life has taken its toll on me. Day in day out I've been feeling very troubled. I don't even know why I'm troubled. PMS? Can't be. Got troubles? Like? Feel tired? HOW? So yah, I am feeling troubled over the fact that I'm troubled. *sigh* How lame can I get?

Anyway, I cut my hair today, don't know why but felt that the growing thing infront of my face was getting troublesome... now my hair looks like shit. Anyway, I don't know why but I recently feel less and less interest in all the things revolving around me now. I mean like, I have no interest in anything that I'm doing. It's like just a waste of time. It's all going to fade anyway, isn't it? I really don't know what to do, somebody please tell me. I feel like I'm going to die anytime. Do all people who're gonna die get this type of feeling? I wish... there's nothing in this world that needs me anymore.

*sigh* Sorry for the emo words... but I just don't feel happy... I don't feel sad. I guess I don't feel anything anymore... Sorry, I really shouldn't be talking about this. What am I thinking about anyway? I should be the happy-go-lucky girl just I used to be. =))

2007-06-04T23:23:00.000+08:00

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

This is a bit late to tell you all this but oh welll, i didn't update for like hell of a long time!
OH YAH! I CAME BACK FROM VIETNAM!
And the bad news to tell you all is that ; I didn't buy any presents for you all. Blame my memory. ((=
Anyway, Vietnam trip was very very fun! We went to alot of places and I learnt alot of things there! But because of my laziness, I shan't type out everything we did. I did abit of this and abit of that. I made so many friends there! Haha. =)) I kinda miss our guide Tuan. Is that how you spell is name? But I know the pronounciation was "Tuu-ann".
And I came back with abit of homework left. Haizz.. I'm still in a holiday mood, don't wanna do homework leh... But I shall do it. After all. It's homework.
I still have to go China. Haizz.. But I shan't miss out on class sleep-over at Mae's house! =))

Don't read the below if you don't feel like it.

It's not like I don't know.
I actually know more than you think. You just don't notice me.
I'm not cold hearted you know? I am, after all, a girl. Girls' hearts are soft.
You may think I'm strong. If you thought that, than you should give me an oscar award for my acting skills. What am I to you? That I don't know. I can't even figure out.
Searching from an ocean of questions to a sea of darkness doesn't make much of a difference to me.
I don't know what to do anymore. Very little of you is left for me. Everyday I'll wonder ; How much of you will I be seeing today? If any at all...
I know. I'm not that naive. That I'm not the only person in this whole world. But it just hurts. It hurts that you care. It hurts that you keep it all inside. But it freakin' hurts that I care too.
Tell me what to do. My brain just doesn't function anymore. Emotions does drive a person mad. Why can't I be free of them? Can I just return to my uncaring attitude? Take me back. You took me in, now take me back. I don't want to stay here. I don't like it here. Everything's just too naked. I can see it all. Now I know why you always said Innocence is Bliss. I don't wanna know. Don't shout in my ear.
Don't even whisper. Once it goes in, it doesn't come of the other side. Don't look at me. I can't take it. Everyday, you're disappearing. Too bad I can't disappear with you. I don't wanna stay in this freakin' world without you. It's just too empty. Watch people walkin in and out of life. Most of them don't gain much.
I'm getting colder and colder. One doesn't need to know that much at a young age like mine. I don't wanna grow up. Let me be spoiled. Please. I don't wanna know about all these. I'm growing cold to everyone. Hold my hand and tell me if its warm. You won't hold my hand, would you? Why would you? I'm so insignificant to you, "I couldn't even remember you were there." It hurts alot you know? That sentence. You told me things I never knew.
Haizz... It sucks to be a girl.

2007-05-23T21:24:00.000+08:00

Hey people! There's actually nothing to do today so I shall just post my blog! For the first time, I'm actually infront of homework! Anyway... So what happened today? Actually nothing happened today. Yesterday I was sick. Geez. Humans are so fragile. My head was like going to break. Dizzy like don't know what. I was like clutching my head when I was sleeping. [according to my sister.] *Thinks* There's nothing to say...... Life's boring.

What to do? There's nothing much to do these days except homework and more homework. I'm just like getting myself into whole heap of troublesome things. It should have been easy but it isn't. I don't think it's gonna get better anyway. So I shall talk about what I wanna talk about.
Hmm... You know, I can't find a way to describe it properly. It's like this crawling feeling... that just goes on inside. I don't know how or why. I know it just happens. I wish it'll just like disappear but it just continue. Now I know the meaning of never-ending. Thanks alot. I mean I'm fading away each day. Fading more and more. There's no hand to catch. But it's much better this way I guess. Rather than catch a hand then being shrugged off by it. It's not only a cold world, it's a better one. Why? We weren't born with hatred in our hearts. We aren't, right? I've always believe that fact. I will continue to believe it. You can't prove me wrong. You can only prove me right. That's only ironic things are. When you can't prove things right, you'll think it's wrong. People do not have the good fortune to keep faith, they're only entitled to be suspiscious of other people. Tell me, were there ever a time when you think you can completely trust a person and could be their best friend? They were times like those. When we're young. Just one second of introduction and we could be off tickling each other like crazy and both of the us don't care. Why? Cause you're my best friend. Remember? "A circle, it goes on forever, and that's how long we'll be together." That's how I keep faith. Every human being have this innocent. It's just a matter of it disappearing into nothingness, or being kept up by walls of lies or just pure innocence. Which are you?

Not that I really care. I really don't. I'm just telling you stuff you should know. Don't tell me, you've never been suspicious of anybody? Well that's good for you, cause it can mean two things: 1;you've been cheated even without knowing you're cheated.Naive. 2;so far, you met alot of good people. Those are rare nowadays. Really rare. No one's totally good you know? As I told everyone a million times. If a coin can have 2 sides, why can't a person have 2 sides too? A person actually have several sides. Well, I haven't found a way to get rid of the scratchy little thing in my heart. Maybe it was irritated by the fact or way human lives. Maybe I'm the only one who have any faith left. Not faith in anyone or anybody, but faith in faith itself. Or am I the one without the faith? Such irony. Life sucks.

2007-05-20T22:30:00.000+08:00

Hey people!!! Sorry that I didn't write on Saturday, but I was really busy the whole day and didn't have time to write!!

Yesterday was a very special day. Why? Coz of 3 REASONS!

1. PTM!

2. I CUT MY HAIR!

3. EDS NITE!

So yah... For the Parents Teacher Meeting. It went quite well, cuz my sister met Mrs. Kumaran, Mr. Tan and Mdm Low. Mrs. Kumaran told my sister this. I quote "Nyein Nyein is a good kid la. Just that she's lazy. How long did you take to do the comparison essay?" I was like... I am? ... LoL. Then she say "She's good at poetry, very good marks for CAP." I was like REALLY?! My eyes went --> 0.0" My sister was like =.=" But Mrs. Kumaran told my sister that I was very lazy but have alot of potential to do alot better. Then my sister went to see Mdm Low. Mdm Low said I was too talkative and talked about Baxter and me. =.=" Then my sister was like >.>''. Then Mdm Low asked my sister to cut my hair or tie it up and to watch out for my dressing attire. ...My sister did the first one, but didn't really care about the latter. And she said I didn't study for chinese at all and asked my sister to make me read chinese books because according to what she said ... "Her chinese is very good! Her essays are good but she doesn't read books..." ..... Then off to Mr. Tan. My sister asked him how I was doing and she said she thinks my maths is very weak. Mr. Tan was like "No lah. She's actually, pardon me for using the word, damn good." I was like 0.0,first time praise me seh... My sister's still unconvinced though.

Then talk talk talk until no time to go and listen to the talk liao... They said that the subj. combi very impt. but I'll just ask from my trustworthy friends... LOL. haha. Then before talking to Mr.Tan, my sister made an appointment at 3 to cut hair at TONI & GUY. WOOTS! Finally get to cut hair! So I quickly went to heeren, but ate at cineplex first. =)) Then I cut until very short if not mummy will scold... Anyway. I ~~like~~ love my new hairstyle! Cause I think it's so damn freaking cool. Then I went home when Yunzhen called me to meet her at city hall. So I quickly bathed and changed. Actually I was thinking of not wearing stockings, but then leh, my sister asked me to wear, so what the heck la. Just wear it. I anyhow wore the stockings... looked so ugly! Eeyeeer... supposed to look nice, but looked weird.. But then leh, I think it's quite ok. =)) Then I when I finally met yunzhen and fawn, they were like 0.0! Do I look THAT different? Anyway, I like fawn's jeans! Skinny jeans! okok, I do have a skinny jeans, it's miss60 and they're nice but I want another pair!!! Then we went to burger king when fawn and yunzhen ate, but I didn't cause I don't feel like eating. SO GUAI! I STUCK TO MY DIET PLAN! Then we rushed to toapayoh cause we thought we were late. Then Yunzhen was telling me her dance instructor Ryan was so damn bloody funny! I wanna go learn pole dancing!! =.="Seriously! Pole dancers have nice bodies and legs! ANYWAY! When we reached toapayoh, I saw PEIJUN! Then also got alot of our school people staring at me, so I was like "Can don't go infront of the group of dunmanians, they'll see usme. Then Yunzhen walked so fast across. =.=" Communication didn't work. So I had to RUN in high heels. OUCH. But seeing as I'm a good heels wearer [is there such a word?], I could catch up with her, but unluckily, peijun saw me... Haizz.. Vain effort. When I went in, the people there were like 0.0 or o.0 I don't know to take that as a compliment or an insult... 1 good thing was that I didn't see Baxter... Good thing... If not he'll be busy insulting me.

I don't want to talk out the WHOLE EDS NITE, but the dances were hmm... how to say... not that good as last year's ones. The sec 4 dance too. Last year one was better. But I liked the SYF dance. =)) The skits and mr.ken's monologue was so freakin' hilarious, I think the guy beside me thought I was released from MPH. =.=" Then I have to go to hospital to meet my dear old brother. Then after some chatting, I went home. FINALLY! Oh yah, that reminds me. Do you know one guy suddenly came up to me and asked me "Are you open for business?" I was like 0.o what do you mean? Then I suddenly 0.0 and said "No." and walked off. Haizz.. guys these days. Such an interesting day.

Sunday wasn't that special cause from 9 until 6 I spent the time at Dunman High School. But I ain't gonna complain, the songs are nice to listen! Haha! If you're lost in the clause, I mean my chinese orchestra.

P.S. Thanks to those who said my outfit was nice. But I felt very weird in it, cause got alot of people staring.

2007-05-17T19:57:00.000+08:00

Hello people!! Sorry I skipped a day... But there's nothing really to write about my life... Gosh, I sound so emo, must be because of the song I'm listening. Oh yah, and if haven't noticed, I've put up a list of songs in my blog, they'll take a little while to load, so don't be surprised if the song stops half way and then continue again... Since I've nothing to do, I shall post my scores for the IDMI test...

Interpersonal 0

Linguistic 4

Visual & Spatial 4

Musical 4

Intrapersonal 0

Logical / Mathematical 3

Kinesthetic 4

Natrualist 0

My results changed drastically from last year, I just hope that my group members will rock! =)) Looking at my results, I feel like they're very extreme!!! all is either high or 0... Am i THAT extreme? I don't think so! I'm buried in homework/projects!!! How am I gonna survive through this? Although I know I won't die from this... =)) I'm just so tired of living this lfie... you know, just wanna drop down and wait for the sky to fall. I mean like seriously, even if you do all this, won't you just die and rot away in god-knows-where six feet underground. Why do humans choose the hard way of living life? And why are the younger generations customed to follow the tradition? Slog and Slog all day... Humans love doing it the hard way. Why not just sit back and relax and share the earth? That sounds like a within-reach fairytale to me. Ok, I shall stop complaining here. Yup, life's unfair. Fairness is too subjective it anyway. Nod your head if you understand what crap I'm saying. *NOD* See, you aren't that stupid! haha... ok I'm lame.

Yesterday for the first time in my whole freakin' life, I had to sit in the first row!!! With Kian Ming... it wasnt' that bad and I realised that he's scared of tickles... =.="" I mean like seriously, he pratically jumped when I poked him. At least his wasnt' all bones, it's not nice poking Baxter, too bony. =)) Today I sat back with Baxter again. Liesl and Kaiyuan told me they were bored to death when Michelle and Xinyue didn't turn around to talk to them... haizz.. they're the class quietest people!! But they're nice so who cares if they talk! haha. Mr. Tan told me today that I cannot talk to Baxter, Liesl or Kaiyuan during maths lesson if not I can't learn anything.. quite true, maybe that's why my maths grades are dropping!!! Today the quiz I LOST A FREAKIN' 3 WHOLE MARKS! Let me complain cause I could have gained those marks!! =((( I'm gonna practise my maths like damn freakin' hard so that I won't fall behind! JIAYOU TO MYSELF! I'm so pathetic man. Today, when I was walking home, lots of people looked at me like I was a freak cause my hair was all messed up, my long bangs was covering my face and the back the was messy. Even I couldn't see clearly... maybe cause I was looking down when I was walking... Freak huh? Isn't everyone a freak in their own way? Or am I too normal that I'm a freak to them? Then when I was crossing through Orchard Rd, I saw the advert that everyone's talking about.. the "NO SMOKING" then the woman's mouth is all sores and stuff? Yeh, Then I was like looking at it and talking to myself: If a person could have that much sore, they'd be dead, who'd be taking a photoshoot at a time like this? It's lame and the sores aren't even disgusting..." Then this woman who was walking infront me, turned around and looked back then walked faster away. Am I that scary? It's like everyone's avoiding me. HAIZZ.. luckily for me I can block them out. One personal reason that I wear my headphones is so that I can block out the pathetic things happening in this stupid world... I don't wanna hear nor see them, I can't stand it... Look at the clock, see the second hand? It's ticking slowly away... and what are we doing again? Slogging our ass off for marks that won't even count if you'll go to heaven or hell. We're wasting our life away. Slowly. By each second our bodies are getting older and we're approaching death. Life's not full of contradiction. It IS a contradiction by itself. We live to die. Enjoy life? How? We're not even living life. We're just walking down a path that will eventually lead to death. Have you ever done something that you won't mind doing for the REST OF YOUR LIFE? I don't think so. We're just rotting away on this mother earth and waiting for the time to take us in its stride. Haizz, I guess it's life. I'm getting tired of trying to understand or living its best. Come take me, I'm waiting.

2007-05-15T20:29:00.000+08:00

I'm so FREAKING SORRY! =((

I have no freakin' time to update ok! Sorry!! Sorry to all who tagged me but didn't got to see my new updates... just for the heck of it, I shall list them down : Esther, Kaiyuan, Shimin, Jane, EeSheen, Huiying and Yarthet [ I don't know who Charmaine is... sorry!] =))

Sorry to my loyal readers who don't tag me too! =))

So... well, since I have the time, I shall ramble on....

LEVEL CAMP!!!

Level camp is freakin' fun! I know some of you don't feel that way but for me, IT'S FUN! YaY! Haha. My trainer is so .... .... uncle? I don't know .... but he's very funny! =)) I shall keep laughing. His name is actually Johnathan , aged 19 --> 20, but I shall call him Uncle John whose 33 years old. =)) I'm so mean but he does look like he's 33. I think that group 21 trainer, who is it... Amin? Don't know, he's hilarious! I kept laughing at him until he told me I needed medicine and he was scared of me. LOL. But I still kept laughing... LOL. I'm mad. I'm crazy. Nah, I'm plain weird. LOL.We did alot of things there but I shall always remember 2 things! The raining day and the campfire night! It held alot of memories. Gosh, I'm being sentimental. .... We danced and rocked and hugged and cried[some] like crazy. But it's all worth it, cause we can never turn back the hands of time and go back to 8 - 11 May 2007. It's over people, but things will never be forgotten. Forgotten what happened, but we'll never forget what we felt. Remember with the heart. =)) Anyway, I shan't crap mushy stuff... I made alot of new friends during the LEVEL CAMP! I just wanna shout out to all my friends : old or new, talked or never talked before, : I WANNA CONTINUE BEING YOUR FRIEND! =))
sorry for the purple colour, if you're my guy friend. =)) Oh ya! SEXY SOTONGS ROCK!

The second thing I wanna talk about is the results... well, I shan't lie, I do deserve the marks I get. But I could do much much much better. Yes. So I shall stop weeping and buck up! I'm so optimistic! Three cheers for me! LOL. And those people who got great marks : GOOD WORK AND KEEP IT UP! , for those who didn't get ideal marks : I BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN DO BETTER!. Listen to my wise advice : Everything will be alright in the end, if it isn't, it isn't the end! Continue walking!

The third thing I wanna talk about it is the EDS NITE. I'm going for the night one, who's going? Wanna go with me? I'm going with : Yunzhen, My sister. WoW. SO many people... But who cares, they're both cool! =P I just wanna say JIA YOU to the EDS Dancers. It may be a bit rushed and you may feel flustered but I believe that you can do it! Well, if under any circumstances, doesn't turn out the way you wished it to, never mind, I'll always bring flowers! =))

Reply to tags:

EeSheen: I updated! You got update or not!!!

Esther: SO SO SO sorry! I REALLY didn't have time!

Jane: I updated! I intend to keep my blog lively! =))

Yarthet: LONG TIME NO SEE! HELLO! how did you find my blog!

KaiYuan: Thanks for the push, I updated.

Charmaine: I really do not know any charmaine but I'm guessing you're from grp 21 or 23! =)) HELLO!

2007-05-03T18:59:00.000+08:00

Hello people!! There's nothing to talk much about today, just that I GOT NEW HAIR BAND AND NICE NEW HAIR TIES BOUGHT BY MY NICEST SISTER! =)) I love it! The hair band looks like it's bought from "The Pirates of the Carribean" because of the skull on it! =)) The hair ties are nice too! Woot! I'm gonna enjoy having long hair! Maybe if i get tired of it, I shall cut away my hair. Ok, I'm crazy.

There's not much thing to talk about today but just that I was feeling damn hyper this morning cause the music that I was listening to was so upbeat! Then the students that was walking behind or beside were looking like me as if I was the weirdest thing on the world. Oh well, who cares? I know I don't.

Got back the maths paper today! I got 35.5/40. Ok, I know that some of you may think that it's good, but this is my blog so let me just vent my anger. I GOT A FREAKIN' 35!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO GONNA SINK INTO DEPRESSION. But then leh, I went back to Mr.Tan and he said I could add marks! WOO!! So I think I'm gonna get eh... 37? And EeSheen is jealous that my maths marks are so good! "Too bad, so sad."=)) LOL>

Today Mr.Zein showed us the Germany trip thing. And I heard that the IP Humanities is going to continue until Year 3. I hope it does! I don't know which to choose! Geog or History!!!!!!! Somebody please give me advice/ideas!

Haizz.. And right now, my sister is buying me a oreo cheesecake from starbucks and I'm patitently waiting at home like a pig! =0.0= <--- It looks like a cat though...

2007-05-02T19:39:00.000+08:00

Hello people!! Life's the same as everyday.

Woo!! I love all the people that are tagging at my post! The 3 ghost shows that were shown ; The Ring, The Maid, and Ju-on isn't scary. Seriously. National Treasure was quite nice though and The Night at The Museum is hilarious!! But when going home, sorry to Vanessa and Maureen! I was sleeping like a pig! Not that was tired, but my head was killing me!
Haizz.. and by the way, I couldn't find a song I'm good at to play for PeiJun. Please just kill me man. Esther (erhu) was playing cha2 xiang1 fei1 lian3 but I don't think I'll play that, it's pure noise pollution.
I'm like bloody excited about the maths test! and WOOTS! we're finally onto trigonometry ratio! I guess it's going to be loads of fun from now on! Sorry to those who don't understand cause I really like that topic! And I can't wait to get back my paper. I think I'll be very depressed with my marks.
And another thing, my sister's sick again. Haizz... and she still switched on the air-con yesterday. She's so sickly.
There's nothing to talk much about nowdays. Life's too secure. And security is the denial of life.

Reply to tags:

Jane: Yup, I'm a brownie! Hard to break! =))

Esther: What happened girl! Talk to me! =))

Shimin: Nope, YOU slept through it! And I'm not changing to VJC. Too troublesome. =))

Jiaxin: Yup, I went to VJC open house. It was quite interesting by the way. I saw alot of ex-dunmanians there!

Sarah: I got update lor! you should update too!

2007-04-29T19:58:00.000+08:00

Hey people!!! Sorry for updating so late! =))
And once again thanks for those people who reads my post regularly, even those who don't tag. =)) But please tag so I that I can thank you properly.
Today wasn't such a bad day. The orchestra training wasn't that bad, I could play and catch up. It was big improvement! Three cheers to myself! Haha, LOL. The price to be paid was my left index finger suffered a cut. Don't know how and don't know when but I guess it was during the orchestra training. Don't really care, doesn't hurt much, but I have a plaster over it, so that it won't be pain while I'm practising. I'm going to China. Sian, I can't do holiday job liao, I'll be away for almost half of june holidays. Hai! Money please drop down from the sky. Actually come to think of it, there are alot of ways to make money, especially easy money, just that we're too choosy or don't have enought time.. LOL.
Today, my mom needed to go for yet another operation cause her stomach wound open again. LOL. The way it happened was so funny. "I want to sit up." "Ok,mom." "I want to lie back down." "Ok,mom" "I want to sit back up." "..." "Eh, I think my stitch tore." "!!!" "Go call the nurse la, stand there for what!" "..."
My mum is so darn funny. Haha! Who'd have thought such a reaction would come from a patient. Yes, people, my mom's recovering. She should be ok by wednesday.
Woo!! Tomorrow is the movie marathon! So little people going... but then leh, I wanna watch movies! I'm deprived of going out! I cannot wear my stockings ok!! Humph! I wanna dress up and go out but then, too much things going on... should settle everything first. Ain't I right?
Since I'm so bored, I shall do a quick quiz copied from shimin's blog!

RED is ANGER
1. Are you currently mad at someone?
- Nope. I'm mostly neutral.
2. Which of your family members have the worst temper?
- My mom. It should be obviours.
3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone?
- Yup. I've thrown a table.
4. Is anyone mad at you?
- Nope. I always act neutral so there's no reason for them to be angry at me.
5. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell?
- Neither, it's too troublesome.

ORANGE is EXCITEMENT
1. Has anyone thrown a surprise party for you?
- Nope. It's a cold world.
2. If you won a million dollars, what would be your first thought?
- "Huh? I won? Oh."

YELLOW is SELF-DISCOVERY
1. Name
- Nyein Nyein
2. Birthday
- 25/8
3. What's your main goal in life
- To get a PhD and die in a nice grave.
4. Do you want to have children
- Duh. Giving birth is a miracle of life.
5. When do you want to die
- After I get a PhD. Anytime after that.

GREEN is OPINIONS
1. Are you against gay marriage?
- Nope. It's still love is it not? What's the big deal with gender?
2. Lower the drinking age?
- There's no use in that. People under 18 are already drinking.
3. Capital Punishment?
- I don't like to deal with this. It's troublesome.
4. Abortion?
- You want it, you do it, not my business, not my problem.

BLUE is LOVE
1. Do you love someone?
- Nope. Love is too strong a word.
2. Do you believe in love at first sight?
- I would, if you give me a reason to. But like I said, it's a cold world.
3. Do you believe in Love?
- I do, but it's not for me to experience.

PURPLE is Q&A
1. How many beds did you lay in today?
- None.
2. What colour shirt are you wearing?
- Green.
3. Name one thing that you do everyday.
- Breathe
4. How much cash do you have on you right now?
- $600.
5. Look to your left, what do you see?
- Further Pure Mathematics textbook.
6. What website do you visit the most during the day?
- My blog.
7. Do you have plants in your room?
- Nope, they steal oxygen while I'm sleeping.
8. Do you own a picture phone?
- Would you believe me if I said no?
9. Recent time you were really upset?
- I told you I'm neutral, I don't really feel anything.

PINK is LAST
*Person you saw
- My sister. [second sis]
*Place you drove
- I don't drive.
*Movie watched in cinema.
- Meet the Robinsons? Forgot liao...
*Song you listened to
- Give it up to me by Sean Paul feat. Keyshia Cole
*Person you talked on the phone
- Yunzhen
*Did you notice question 2 was gone?
- There is no question 2, don't play games with me, I make games.

GREY is TODAY
1. What are you doing tonight?
- Compose some more poems.
2. What are you going to eat.
- Nothing, I already ate my dinner.

BROWN is for TOMORROW
* is
- Monday, School day, CIP day, MOVIE MARATHON day.
* are you looking forward to it?
- I told you, I'm neutral about mostly everything.
* are you going to laught?
- ...for?

Hope you like it! =))

P.S. Esther, I'm not gonna transfer to VJC. The IP programme there is almost the same as ours, it's too troublesome for me anyway.

2007-04-27T18:56:00.000+08:00

Hello people!! Thank you so much for coming to tag at my blog!! =)) Especially Esther!! =)) She came everyday! ahah!

So.. there's nothing much to talk about in my life. The maths test was SUPER DIFFICULT. The Geog was *sigh* what to say. I hate staying in this stupid routine. I mean aren't you sick of it? It's the same thing happening everyday! How can people stand it? Going to school, come back home, study, eat, go to sleep, have some entertainment. Your life is becoming cyclical. Why aren't you bored of it? Yeah, go shopping, watch movies, but it's gonna happen again. It's so monotonous. Do you ever stop to think what's gonna change if you die? It's gonna be the same cyclical thing happening over and over again. Wow. Fun. Just to let whoever is up there do an easy job, I shall talk about my boring routine. My science was bad. I only got a low A. I wanna know my maths marks. I bet I'm gonna have very bad marks for History. My LSP i think got a B. I couldn't care less.

Now that I come to think of it, we can't escape this stupid cycle, why? Human laws. Not nature. If humans had left it the way nature was, no inventing anything, I bet we could have happily lived until 200. But what? People just have to try and do some crazy things. Not that it wasn't good. But with new technology growing, diseases will also grow. Why can't I just stay at home, eat, play and just die? Not as if you can take your certificate with you when you die... I still don't understand why people are so competitive. We all end up in the same fate, six feet under. Win or lose, you'll go the same way. Not saying it's not good to win, but what's the big deal? Yah, you win, BIG DEAL! And why can't we all be farmers? Just growing enough to eat. Not like we really need anything else. It's more of want nowadays, never need. You need to eat a cake? Why not just rice? Doesn't it result in the same way? Seriously, why can't we just skip to the day we die? Not like we're gonna do anything different along the way, the world is so caught up in this huge cycle.

Anyway, besides the ~~emo~~ mature stuff, I have to go and practice my erhu. My finger so damn bloody pain la. And I still have to do work, and have to buy presents. Haizz... oh well. I'm screwed.

2007-04-22T21:35:00.000+08:00

I've realised that very little people are tagging my blog! Show some enthusiasm people!! And TAG!!!

These few days have been sleeping very little... Don't know how long my body can last. But oh well, it has never failed me before. Well, it did. Once or twice, but I'll live. I'll hold on. 'Tch. Holding on is only thing I can do nowadays. How ironic. I've always told myself not to hold on to anything. Guess I disappointed myself. Holding on is painful, letting go is even harder. Tell me after you've tried it. It's a new experience after all. I've realised that I'm torturing my own body. I got headache from reading all the scores from the Erhu. Seriously. I can't cram anything to my head anymore. I just want to drop down and go to sleep. But, I can't do that, can I? I don't think so. I shan't allow my body to do so. Human beings are weaklings. Are there really limits? But aren't limits just imaginery? 'Tch. Everything's becoming so troublesome. I don't even want to think anymore. My brain hurts. It hurts everywhere. I don't want to do this anymore. 'Tch. But since the day I've been thrown into this world of ours, the only thing I was good at was endurance. Endure. Let it soak all over you. Feel it. Endure. It's a never-ending cyclical process. Basically, it sucks. After doing it for some time, you'll feel really stupid. Why can't you just let the anger, frustration, fear, anxiety; emotions, out? Why let it keep on building inside you?

But for me, I just can't. Nothing to do with I want or not, but I can't.

How do you let your anger out when your anger could kill a person? How do you let your frustration out when there's no one to console you? How do you let your fears out when there's people you need to be strong for? How do you let your tears out when you've got no more tears to cry? That must've sound pathetic. It's lame. But it's true.

2007-04-22T04:25:00.000+08:00

This post will be ~~abit~~ ALOT of emo things in it. If you are uncomfortable reading it, please stop. ((:

Whoever is up there, can you tell me how I lived through that? That 8 hours? Hell. I knew that was tumour. But I didn't know it was cancer cells, that spread until her neck. Sure I'm not scared of blood but can you imagine watching your mother with a tube inserted with a hole in her neck? That's just ...heartbreaking? I don't know. I don't know how it feels like. I just knew I didn't want to look at her. Makes me feel... weird. God. I mean she was asking for water, can't you just give her some? You're supposed to be a doctor... she hadn't even had water since 12pm, it's 9! She can't live without water. You could see how dry her lips were. It's felt sad. Her ~~hands~~ whole body was shaking. That's just scary, knowing any moment she could die. Is this my mother? That strong woman I've always got scolded from? Her eyes are big and wide staring at me now. I don't know what to say... Isn't she on anesthetic? How come she woke up? Oh. Now her brain's can't recognise anything? But I feel she's waiting for me to say something. "Go back to sleep, mom. Everything's over." I didn't even believe that myself.But she nodded. She recognises me? Well, I guess she did eventually fall asleep. I have to get out of the hospital. NOW. See that thing dripping out of that winding tube, yeah, good job, that my mother's blood. I must be out of my mind, I've become possessive of my MUM's blood. Waited too long outside the surgery room I guess? I couldn't even make out my mom's words. Oh right, her neck has a tube inside it. and you could see that thin yellow/green tube leading inside and dried blood till her left ear. Well, that's better than her dying inside the operation room. Well, people cried and hugged me. I'm not used to it. Could you do it to somebody else? Sorry for not crying. Sorry for not showing emotions. Sorry for not being able to talk to her. Sorry for not knowing what to say. Sorry that I made you angry before your surgery. Sorry for even knowing your condition. Sorry for not being a good daughter.

What else do you want me to say? I can't do anything to turn back the hands back the hands of time. Even if I could, I won't. There's no use. This disease had been with you since the day you made the decision to stand up by yourself, mom. Help isn't that bad mom. It's just irritating sometimes. I'm not soft-hearted... maybe I am, but I still know when to start caring for myself rather than other people. I'm selfish, shoot me. Your health comes first, you should know that. Hospital fees aren't something we cant pay. There's no use keeping that money either, I'll live. Everybody know, you have the kindest heart but the hardest mouth. No use hiding and snapping at people, that wont push us away. Just accept the treatment and hope you'll get better. Yeah, mom, you're cursed with another 10 - 12 years in this human world. Live with it.

Sorry for the emo stuff, ((:

2007-04-19T22:16:00.000+08:00

Hello! Today is a brand new ~~day~~ night and everyone should stop being so emo and stressed over various stuff! Sit back relax and enjoy the fall! LOL

For the first thing I'm gonna talk about, I realised that my poem was not that nice! Sorry people! Shall create a nice new poem so must give me inspirations to create a nice poem!!! ((:

Next thing, today wasn't much fun. Just that my sides and my waist are so sore. Can't move properly. Even my shoulders were tired. I was so tired on the bus, I just wanted to fall asleep but I can't, cause songs are too nice! HAHA! LOL! Wasting my sleep over songs, what kind of sick addict am I?

And for the side note, I've realised that I've become super nerdy after sitting with Baxter. I mean like, I copy down homework, and even though I need to rush through some homework and I don't hand up homework, some homework, I've finished one week before! I'm turning into a model student! ~~Right?~~ Of course I am. But I need to do more homework! Jiayou me! ((:

And for the last thing before I hit the sack, sometimes CME gives you all the "ideal" things. And for all you not-so-naive people out there, you know that these "ideal" stuff like integrity, morality, and so on and so forth, just doesn't work out there in the real world. I mean like, look around you, it's the survival of the fittest, or should I say the most cunning. Yeah, you must know your own moral values, it's a good thing, makes you a good man. But it isn't worth two cents. Don't say I'm immoral, it just is! I mean like, who's gonna pay you to tell the truth? They pay you to persuade people to waste money on your stuff. Who really cares if it's a lie to get them buying? Ask yourself, you got care meh? [sorry for the singlish]. I think they should just teach real stuff, it's more easier to believe then what's to be done ideally. It's too fake to be true.

And I'll shall end my ranting here. I shall post another poem around next week, or till I get new inspiration, whichever comes earlier. So, TA-TA! ((:

2007-04-18T18:34:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone! I was worried some time ago. Oops. That was yesterday.. LOL. I have serious short term memory. Anyway, as I was saying, I was worried some time ago because my sister told me something. But, nvm, I shall stop worrying. Hmm... can't stop worrying, shall stop thinking about it.

(: Anyway, Today's run was sucky. I sprained my ankle at 2nd round. Or was it 3rd round? Because of my knee, I sprained my ankle. haizz... Then I couldn't step properly. I got 43rd position. I was tired, but my legs were. Don't know why. Don't care. Just know that I was pissed at myself. PISSED, I tell you, pissed. I shan't talk about it, I'll just try harder next year. (: I'm so damn optimistic that my dark side hate my optimistic side. LOL.

Anyway. Today, Baxter was sewing "Balls". No, don't think dirty. Think clean. Yes, balls, BASKETballs. Then I commented that he sew too slow, So I helped him sew the second L, then he started with a straight line again. So I thought he was gonna sew "Ballls", So i say I'll help him sew, then after I sew the L finished, he was crying! Not literally but was like "aahhh!!" [Imagine him doing that, it's not that hard, he does that everyday] Then I was like "what!", then he said "Why you sew for me another L!" I'm gonna die! Then I was "*rolls eyes*, nvm la!" Too bad, I just don't care, did I tell you? People are going to PAY him NOT to sew for them.

So... other than that, nothing much happened. Today, my sister was pissed at me. Cause I told her I stopped running continously at 3rd round. She was super pissed at me. She told me something along the lines of "If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you can't. If you think you can't, might as well don't try." When she told me that, I felt as though I was a failure of some sort. I felt like it was my fault I stopped running half way. ~~Maybe~~ It IS my fault that I stopped running. Shall train some more. Must train. Go gym and go swimming, that'll be on my organiser. After she told me that, I became emo again. I was like brooding on alot of things. But I just let them go with a shrug. If you saw me, you'd have laughed. I was like staring at the big mirror in my mom's bathroom and splashing water on my face and saying to my reflection : "You're a big sore loser, just try again!" If I saw myself, I'd have called the MPH. LOL. Haha.

I left the following homework:

History Raft Work
ACC song
Computer Assgn. [had to redo]
~~Maths past year paper~~

Yay, Shall go and complete more work. Bye bye!! ((:

2007-04-17T22:17:00.000+08:00

Hello!! So long never write a post liao!
Did you read my 50 facts? I'm gonna have a quiz on that! (: LOL

Anyway. Today was a so-so day.
And ya. WE'RE GOING TO CHALET! 2DEE!! ALMOST EVERYONE WANTED CHALET! WOOTS! THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT! (: I SHALL TALLY THE VOTES AND SEE WHICH PLACE WON!

And actually we were supposed to get back our history papers today. But then, our hopes were dashed when Mr. Zein couldn't make it to class after school. NVM. Let's wait for the mystery to unfold...
Also, I picked up my mom from airport very late today... When I reached home, I was freakin' tired. I'm gonna make it very short today for 3 reasons.

I'm tired.
I'm worried about something.
I'm being emo.

Please don't talk to me tomorrow if I do not wish to talk to you. If not I might just take it out on you.

Thanks, Luv ya, Nyein.

2007-04-16T19:36:00.000+08:00

I think Jane's post about the Barbie thing is cool. So I shall do it! woots. Make sure you read 50 facts about me! I shall test you on it!!

the BARBIE in ME! =]]

You own over 10 bottles of nail polish. [*] My sister's nail polish counts right?
You own a designer purse. [*] I own a Guess purse.
You own a perfume that cost over $60. [*] Yes I do, my perfume costs $300.
You had/have fake nails. [ ] I think fake nails are gross.
You have more body/hair products that you can use. [*] I haven't finished using my current hair spray and I still have 3 bottles of it.
You own a pet Chihuahua/ Pomeranian/ Yorkshire/ Terrier/ Siamese. [ ] Too small. I like Rottweilers and Huskies better.
You have clothes/shoes/accessories for your pet. [ ]
You have enough clothes to cover an entire refugee camp. [ ] I don't have that much money!
You have enough pictures to create your own wallpaper. [ ] NOPE!
A pink comforter, carpeting, wall or sheets. [ ]

So far : 4!! OMG! i'm such a BARBIE!

Do you...

Spend more time at the mall than you do at home/work. [ ] I hate going out. It's troublesome.
Have a hair colour that is not your natural color. [ ] I like black thank you very much.
Have "blonde" moments at least once a day. [ ] WTH is "blonde" moments?
Buy stuff because it's awesome than never wear it. [ ] My sister forces me to wear.
Constantly keep your phone at your side. [ ] I don't.
Dance around in your room when nobody else is home. [*] SHHHH!!!
Have a name for your car. [ ] I don't even own a car.
Know what your celebrity is dating who and who broke up this week. [ ] It's too troublesome.
Refuse to go out in public without make-up. [ ]
Prefer to be called princess. [ ] the word alone gives me goose pimples.

So far.. : 5! GOSH.

Do you adore...

Make up [*] Yes.
Glitter [ ]
the COlour Pink [ ]
Shopping [*] Clothes and stuff. It's fun. SOMETIMES.
Jewelery [*] My mom sells jade. What do you expect?I appreciate jewellery.
Mirrors. [ ]
Chick flicks. [*] WHITE CHICKS are god damn funny!
Shoes [*] I'm a sucker for nice high heels.
Rainbows. [ ]
Unicorns [ ]
Disney Movies [*] I LOVE DISNEY!
Candles [ ]
Flower [ ]
Stuffed animals [*]
Bags [*]

So far.. : 13! BARBIE!

Do you shop at:

Coach [*]
Forever 21 [*]
Victoria's Secret [*] Seriously, their lingeries are nice.
Guess [*]
Barbie [ ]
Express [ ]
Delias [ ]
MAC [*]
Sephora [ ]
BeBe [*]

My sister pulls me with her to go to all these places. But their clothes are nice.

So far... : 19...

Do you say:

Biotch [ ] HOW ON EARTH DO YOU SAY THAT?
Whatever [ ]
Oh my gosh/god/goodness [*]
Hun [ ]
Fugly [ ]
That's hot. [ ]
Dunzo [ ]
Darling [ ]
Psh. [*]
Cutie [ ]
Hottie [ ]
Skank [ ]
Totally [ ]
For Sure [ ]
Fabulous [ ]

So far : 21.

Cosmopolitan [ ]
Glamour [*]
Marie Claire [*]
Elle Girl [*]
Teen Vogue [ ]
People [ ]
Us Weekly [ ]
Star [ ]
Self [ ]
PerezHilton.com [ ]
Dlisted.com [ ]
17online.com [ ]
people.com [ ]
usmagazine.com [ ]
popsugar.com [ ]
Pink Is The New Blog.com [ ]

So far.. : 24

Do you love these:

Legally Blonde [*]
Elizabethtown [ ]
Mean Girls [ ]
Now & Then [ ]
The Notebook [ ]
A Walk to Remember [ ]
Sweet Home Alabama [*]
Where my Heart is [ ]
Just my luck [*]
John Tucker must die [ ]
Centerstage [ ]
Bring it on [ ]
How to lose a Guy in 10 days [ ]
Mona Lisa Smile [ ]
My girl [ ]

SO far : 27

Are you addicted to:

LOST [ ]
America's Next Top Mode, [*]
Project Runway [*]
Desperate Housewives [ ]
The Simple life [ ]
8th & Ocean [ ] I don't know the point of this show.
Sex & the city [ ]
Grey's Anatomy [ ]
The O.C [ ]
Laguna Beach / The Hills [ ]
Nip/Tuck [ ]
Gilmore Girls [ ]
House [ ]

So far : 29

Multiply by 2 : 29 *2 = 58%

Goodness! I'm 58% Barbie! And you all still say I'm tomboy. Tsk Tsk Tsk.

2007-04-16T19:06:00.000+08:00

[1] You can't use any adjectives to describe NYEIN. At some point, they're wrong.
[2] NYEIN's not totally Burmese.
[3] NYEIN has worn make-up, skirts, dresses and a 4 and 1/2 inch high heel shoe before. {it was bloody pain}
[4] NYEIN has 8 moles on her whole body.
[5] NYEIN aspires to be a neurosurgeon when she grows up.
[6] NYEIN don't love anyone or hate anyone in this world.
[7] NYEIN love maths!
[8] NYEIN wants to have a husband at 23 and have 2 children by 27.
[9] NYEIN wants to name her 2 children, which will be a boy and a girl, Zack and Raine respectively.
[10] NYEIN hates learning languages.
[11] NYEIN has a niece. NYEIN is an aunt.
[12] NYEIN loves all kinds of music.
[13] NYEIN doesn't really care what people think of her. But she cares what people say of her.
[14] NYEIN wants to die only after she gets her PhD.
[15] NYEIN wants to sign her children up for kickboxing and learning cello.
[16] NYEIN LOVES "L" from Death Note.
[17] 8 is her favourite number!
[18] NYEIN's never got a crush before.
[19] NYEIN wanna own a pair of rollerblades.
[20] NYEIN wants long fingernails. NOW.
[21] NYEIN loves gonig for manicure.
[22] NYEIN regrets not learning kickboxing.
[23]NYEIN hates having regrets.
[24] NYEIN wants to go for plastic surgery.
[25] NYEIN thinks her sister is the prettiest girl.
[26] NYEIN is growing attached to food.
[27] NYEIN loves running even though she's not good at it.
[28] NYEIN doesn't want a bf before 21, she has a bet with someone!
[29] NYEIN likes people who are nice.
[30] NYEIN can't stand giggling girls, it's noise pollution.
[31] NYEIN is NOT emo. She doesn't dislike emo people either, she thinks they're cool!
[32] NYEIN wants to learn skateboarding.
[33] NYEIN doesn't believe in ghosts or supernatural stuff EXCEPT VAMPIRES! ^^
[34] NYEIN hopes to meet a vampire one day.
[35] NYEIN wants to be rich.
[36] NYEIN wants to live life just the way it is.
[37] NYEIN wears braces!
[38] NYEIN is 160cm tall! >.< [39] NYEIN owns 3 pairs of SUPER DUPER NICE stockings.
[40] NYEIN is lazy. Everythings too troublesome for her.
[41] NYEIN thinks talking is troublesome.
[42] NYEIN has a loud voice.
[43] NYEIN has dengue fever before.
[44] NYEIN is eating. NOW.
[45] NYEIN wants a Wallet Shop bag.
[46] NYEIN is going to work on June holidays.
[47] NYEIN is a girl who deserves to be condemned to 18th level of hell.
[48] NYEIN has a THICK waist! =[
[49] NYEIN wants to lose her fats.
[50] NYEIN wants to say "Dying is troublesome." before she dies. =]

2007-04-15T19:29:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps!!!! Sorry to all, I never posted in like bloody decades. ): Just got no time. And while I'm writing this, I'm correcting the I&E biz plan. Since there are nice people in this pathetic world that reads my posts, I shall be nice and post a new LONG post! (:

Let's go back to 13 April, shall we? It's Sports Day. I know, we didn't win. But since when did we ever expected a win? Let's face it. Dunman High's sports isn't that high and mighty. But for the cheering part. I have something to say. The competition cheer wasn't bad. In fact, it was nice. The beat and rhythm and all, it's ~~quite~~ very nice. I know people. You all weren't the only one sweating. What do think I am? Air-con? No, I actually perspire tons of sweat a day. And plus, I forgot to bring an umbrella. But I'm not the one not cheering! I'm not saying everyone should go into a hyper mood and start cheering all the way. But at least come on! This is YOUR SCHOOL! If Overall sports trophy is out of reach, why don't we at least try to win something that is SO within our reach. I don't blame the SCs. I don't blame the sec 1s. At least they're willing to try. In fact, I don't blame anybody. I'm just disappointed by the fact that you don't feel a thing for the school, the building that you've been walking in and out for the past one plus year. I wasn't even pissed that day. I was just hugely disappointed. Did you even hear the sound we made? You didn't? Well, that just proves my point.
Oh ya, and if you happened to be the one being angry and everything, the sun, the rain, the people, you missed your share of joy. Cause I was very happy getting soaked by the rain, getting burned by the sun, and laughing with the people behind. And I in fact, learnt a bit about spinning basketballs. (: Oh ya, I didn't get a sun burn, Vanessa did. LOL. haha. And her nose is in pain. But actually, the burn looks nice on her, gives her a nice natural blush. (:
After all that, yours truly[me], Vanessa, Chipmunk, JT went to Jurong Point and did our I&E. We accomplished something that day. But sadly, Vanessa puked. She still hasn't recovered from whatever she's suffering. I almost puked. But I didn't. Then me and Vanessa went back home together. Then we were discussing about what to buy for our friends whose b'dae are nearing. Let's come out of track a bit. ALOT OF PEOPLE'S B'DAE ARE COMING, SPARE A THOUGHT AND BUY FOR THEM PRESENTS!! Let's go back. So, me and her were saying that we should sort of exchange bags for b'dae presents. You know shoulder bags? Yup, we were saying we should go to school with that, since our bags are very big!!! At this point, I expect three reactions:
1st. : "I so can't imagine Nyein in a shoulder girlish bag!!!" surprised.
2nd. : "What 3 reactions?" neutral
3rd. : "This is lame." lamers. LOL. If you fall into the third category, no offense.

Anyway. On saturday, I went to for Shangyin and f.y.i my Shangyin time move up to 9.15!!! I don't want!! Wang lao shi in the morning very crappy one, surely get scolded. ): I was feeling very drowsy in erhu class and got scolded. LOL. And I was feeling quite crappy myself cause she scolded me until very bad. Then went to vanessa's house to finish up the products. P.S. I wish to apologise to Vanessa for forgetting the products to take home. Sorry.

Then today, Today wasn't much to talk about, i went to temple. I can't go to Vesak Day!!! I'm going to Vietnam. Sorry people. I can't sing the hymns! ): And btw I grew tanner. It's a nice tan in my opinion, I don't care if you call me black, cause I look NICE with a tan! HUMPH! And f.y.i I grew lighter. Not a lot. but hell I grew lighter! WOOTS! (: lighter as in not fairer, but weigh lesser. I couldn't cut my hair today, lol. Cause had to fetch my dear old mum to airport. Then ate at a restaurant there. So nice. I stuffed myself. But had to restraint myself. My mum is here!! My ~~cute~~ niece is coming. Haizz... just kill me man.

-Luv ya! Muacks!!! Update next time!

2007-04-11T19:14:00.000+08:00

Hello people!!! Today was quite a fun day, have 2 major stuff happened in school today.

Napfa test!! [5 items]

Sit up: 39 or was it 40?
Pull ups: 20
Shuttle Run: 10.5 secs
Sit & Reach: 49cm [almost 50!]
SBJ: 177 cm!!! I GOT A "B"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that getting a B is not that big of a deal to others and maybe I'll make others feel bad if I complain too much about my SBJ, as some people in our class are not good at it. But I just to let you all know that your standard and my standard is different. I know I can do it, that's why I strive to do harder and if I don't reach the goal I set for myself, I'll be upset. Doesn't everyone feel that way if they don't get what they want? "THE" goal for you and me is different, and you shouldn't let it affect you. So, after all that explanation... I GOT A FREAKIN' B! I just broke my own record man! I just knew something bad would happen in Napfa test when I was getting all As. I'm ~~pissed~~ freakin' pissed. I shan't brood on the past... haizz... I shall practice for my 2.4km. I want to get <14.10mins. I run slow okay...! I so want to run behind sarah and mae so I shan't stop. *sigh!*

Next is BLOODBANK! Today I went the SGH [Singapore General Hospital], bloodbank donation drive there. I just wanted to tell you all that bloodbank needs alot of people to donate blood there. I would if I could. But I'm not 16 yet. LOL. But I don't want to be 16 yet, sound majorly old. But so sad, I'm gonna read 16 in like ONE freakin' year. ): So, ANYWAY. I saw the people donating blood. So majorly cool can! The blood colour was so damn freakin' cool. It's not maroon, or red. Well, not wholely, it's some colour between red, dark red and black. Yep, somewhere there, there's also a tinge of purplish kinda colour sinking in between. Then the machine like so cool la, while you're donating, they could just inside a tube in some place of the long tube that your blood flowing through, and they could get a sample of your blood. And I see the got one person the blood donated read 324grams. Haha. The bag was so full. So cool. [I'm NOT sadistic.] Anyway, we played this Polarbear during the trip there and the trip back. I was the game master! haha. So funny to see the reactions and how they wrongly accuse each other! haha!

Anyway. I just wanted to add an additional note that whatever things happened today, please do not bear any grudges or whatever, cause I know some people are scared, while some are pissed. It's just one small incident. Don't let it ruin whatever LITTLE friendship you all have. Those who don't get what I'm saying. Forget it.

-Luv ya peeps! (:

2007-04-10T18:14:00.000+08:00

Hello!! As promised, Today I post again! Wee! Just to let you know, the time at the bottom is WRONG! So I shall tell you all the time. It's currently 5:46pm right now. =))

Today was a very boring day. But there were some interesting things along the way. Hey! There's a saying that goes "Little things are what makes your life big." Or something like that. (: Today, looking back, the first thing I remember was teaching Baxter how to do maths. Seriously, you should try teacher him, I swear you'll lose all your brain cells. But, being the good person I am, I taught him, and I ended up shouting at him throughout the maths lesson. Mr. Tan, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make so much noise during you lesson. I was listening to you. Seriously. But most importantly, the thing that I'm most proud of is the fact that Baxter understood what I was teaching him. LOL. I succeeded in teaching Baxter maths. Beat that!

Besides the above happening, surprisingly, today, Vanessa didn't come. She was sick. When I called her, her voice was sickly. [Can a voice possibly sound like that?] She said she had fever and her stomach pain. Haizz. And thus, for the whole freakin' day, I was bored. Mostly. Probably. Rarely. Ok, I was bored! So I was doing cross-stitching for the whole day. I DIDN'T DO IT IN MATHS LESSON. I SWEAR! So, now, I have already finished the angel. Yes I did an angel. I also finished the word "DEVIL" and half a heart. <---- half a heart? yes, half a heart. I still have another half a heart and another "ANGEL" left. Surprisingly, It's fun. But I've never succeeded in cross-stitching before. My angel is ugly... maybe I should re-stitch it, I don't know. I was doing in my bus back home too. I'm so easily addicted to things. It's a bad habit, you shouldn't follow me. (: Other than these, my day was normal. Got up, got scolded by mommy dearest, ate breakfast, go to school, listen to music, slept on the bus, go to school, come back home, got scolded by mommy dearest, ate dinner, got scolded by mommy dearest[that seems to happen alot], and now I'm updating my blog.LOL. Don't worry people, I don't have family problems or something, when the day comes when my mom don't scold me, that's the day I have family problems. -Luv ya to all who read my post (: Reply to tags:

HUH? - I don't know who the hell you are. Seriously. Please type your name next time. Nope, I didn't call Baxter a slacker, I called myself a slacker, just that the line was too long and ended up in the second line. (: LOL. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

#52 - yup, I'm infront of you today! Updating is tiring, but I can so I shall. (:

-huiying - Nah, I'm not going to Vietnam for holidays, I'm going there on a school trip. It's not in june either, it's on 28 May to 1 June.

jane;; - LOL. It's ok, I think I shall buy everyone a souvenir. [Depends on how much my mom decides to spare m. xD]

shimin - Not that good la. Just lucky. Mr. Zein marked wrongly that's why. LOL. haha.

2007-04-10T17:43:00.000+08:00

~~YO!!! ok, that sounds completely weird. So I shall just stick to "Hello!!!"~~

Hello!!
Today was a completely boring day so I shan't talk to you about it and bore you. [if you're even gonna read until the last fullstop.] Once again, thanks to all who came and visit my new blog. Yup, I shall maintain it. I'm gonna post everyday. Seriously.
Today I got back my 公函[Did I type right?], I only got 13/20. That' s ~~low~~, downright pathetic. But anyway, it's too troublesome to be pissed, So I shan't be. I also got back the history surprise quiz today. I ~~just~~ passed. I passed. It's underlined!!! Mr.Zein said 3/4 of the class failed. Passing is something an average student should be happy about. OH YA! I'm going to Vietnam on a History trip. Who wants souvenir? That is IF my brain remembers you. I have low memory power by the way. (:

And, the topic of the day: We changed seats today.
Good news: I'm sitting at the back. That proves I'm ~~not short~~ tall. I'm sitting with Baxter. Actually I was sitting with Jia Hui at first then Baxter insisted that he was tall. [to all the people that know him, I think he's tall by the way, I just wanted to piss him off by calling him short.] Sitting with Baxter is actually fun. He can keep me entertained. I'd much rather sit with him then rot in some corner with an extremely quiet person whom I do not know how to start a conversation with. [no offense to quiet people in 2DEE] Anyway. I like my seat. Sort of. I'm sitting right at the windows that side, and you expect me to be cheering my head off? You expect too much. I don't like the extreme side. If it's the right side. I sat at the left side last time, but it was nice cause it was just sort of right beside the back door so can sneak in and out of class. (: SO... going back to the topic...

JOLENE a.k.a Maths Genius LIESL [lee-zel] a.k.a hardworking girl
BAXTER a.k.a Entertainment guy YOURS TRULY a.k.a THE slacker
KAIYUAN a.k.a homework person SARAH a.k.a the person to talk to

Yeah, I sort of love my seat. Just for extra info, Baxter is also extremely hardworking so maybe by sitting with these smart asses and homework pros, I hope to improve my grades. If that is even possible.

P.S To all peeps who red until here. -I love ya! (:

2007-04-08T16:47:00.000+08:00

ANNOUNCEMENT: I finally found enough time to create a new blog that is working. I was so damn busy ~~playing games~~ doing homework. (:

LOL. Today was so fun. I went conoeing with my friends. Splash water here and there. LOL. And the most miracle thing was that I didn't get wet. LOL. And I was targeted la! Good thing too. I so didn't bring ex-tra clothes. I want to buy new FBTs! Anybody whose free want to go suntec and buy with me? LOL. ok, currently you can see that I love the word LOL alot. LOL. OK, it's proven. ***. I shan't use it again. [For people who don't get it, no, the three stars aren't a bad word.]

Oh ya! Let me talk about something I have been arguing over with a mystery person. Prostitution. That word shouldn't be new to you. I hope not. If you are, then you're a little princess living in a oh-so-perfect world. And btw, I have nothing against naive princesses, I wish I was one. Seriously, then I won't need to work my brain that much. Anyway. So ya, I was arguing, what's wrong with it? Ya, at first glance, there's "DISASTER" written over that little word. Ya, it's wrong, it's unholy, it's immoral, it's blah blah blah. But seriously, have you ever thought of what might led to it? Do you know prostitution is like one of the earliest jobs existed in this world of ours? Not exactly like prostitution now, but prostitution all the same, if you defined "prostitution". I mean like, nowadays, people think they're oh-so highclass, and looking down on so-called "dirty jobs". Just for clarification, I'M NOT A PROSTITUTE, AND NO, I'M NOT THINKING THAT AS A CARRER. I'm just speaking up for the people who're prejudiced. Just being prostitute doesn't certify that the person is dangerous or whatever stupid things weird people may think, it just means they have to work that job, for what reason, do you know? Have you ever talked to them before? So angry, that mystery person was like accusing them la, I was majorly pissed. ):

Anyway. I still have a whole lot of things to do!!!
~~CME project~~
~~maths assgn 1~~
chinese exam!!!
history stupid qn no offense to dhs history teachers

I better go and do homework now, unless I wanna have my ass whacked by my mom. Bye! Muacks! -Love ya for reading my bull**** [that's a bad word]