This post will be abit ALOT of emo things in it. If you are uncomfortable reading it, please stop. ((:

Whoever is up there, can you tell me how I lived through that? That 8 hours? Hell. I knew that was tumour. But I didn't know it was cancer cells, that spread until her neck. Sure I'm not scared of blood but can you imagine watching your mother with a tube inserted with a hole in her neck? That's just ...heartbreaking? I don't know. I don't know how it feels like. I just knew I didn't want to look at her. Makes me feel... weird. God. I mean she was asking for water, can't you just give her some? You're supposed to be a doctor... she hadn't even had water since 12pm, it's 9! She can't live without water. You could see how dry her lips were. It's felt sad. Her hands whole body was shaking. That's just scary, knowing any moment she could die. Is this my mother? That strong woman I've always got scolded from? Her eyes are big and wide staring at me now. I don't know what to say... Isn't she on anesthetic? How come she woke up? Oh. Now her brain's can't recognise anything? But I feel she's waiting for me to say something. "Go back to sleep, mom. Everything's over." I didn't even believe that myself.But she nodded. She recognises me? Well, I guess she did eventually fall asleep. I have to get out of the hospital. NOW. See that thing dripping out of that winding tube, yeah, good job, that my mother's blood. I must be out of my mind, I've become possessive of my MUM's blood. Waited too long outside the surgery room I guess? I couldn't even make out my mom's words. Oh right, her neck has a tube inside it. and you could see that thin yellow/green tube leading inside and dried blood till her left ear. Well, that's better than her dying inside the operation room. Well, people cried and hugged me. I'm not used to it. Could you do it to somebody else? Sorry for not crying. Sorry for not showing emotions. Sorry for not being able to talk to her. Sorry for not knowing what to say. Sorry that I made you angry before your surgery. Sorry for even knowing your condition. Sorry for not being a good daughter.

What else do you want me to say? I can't do anything to turn back the hands back the hands of time. Even if I could, I won't. There's no use. This disease had been with you since the day you made the decision to stand up by yourself, mom. Help isn't that bad mom. It's just irritating sometimes. I'm not soft-hearted... maybe I am, but I still know when to start caring for myself rather than other people. I'm selfish, shoot me. Your health comes first, you should know that. Hospital fees aren't something we cant pay. There's no use keeping that money either, I'll live. Everybody know, you have the kindest heart but the hardest mouth. No use hiding and snapping at people, that wont push us away. Just accept the treatment and hope you'll get better. Yeah, mom, you're cursed with another 10 - 12 years in this human world. Live with it.

Sorry for the emo stuff, ((:

♥undefined. 4:25 am