This really feels like I'm writing my diary. Coz I'm like writing on my lab-top and the thing is altering my handwriting if not It'll be unreadable.

So.. onto my boring life. These few days I haven't been updating my blog coz I just moved my house.so I shall post uber long one for you all ( for those reading.) I feel alot of disappointment happening to me lately, I haven't been hardworking and it really shows in my marks. Am I really fit for my goal? I feel so lost without you.I desperately need you here with me. I didn't know the importance till you left. Absence makes the heart grows fonder. It really does. I miss you like crazy.

No words can describe how much, miss you. would you rather say something & regret it... or never say anything and regret it. But, l'm selfish, I don't wanna regret at all. Your voice is still in my head. Your presence is still within my conscience, then why are you gone? Missing... wasn't that just days ago that told myself that I was gonna go or just fine? whet had happened to that resolve? why did it just evaporated when you walk through that gate... ? Didn't it mean anything more than a few lines? Maybe in my heart, there'll always be a private room locked especially for you. No one can replace you. I knew that long ago. Inner me just didn't wanna accept it.I always ran away from reality.

Only you knew me the best. you knew me better than I knew myself. I never did and never could lie to you. It just wasn't possible. 4 years seem like 4 decades. Everyday I wake up and look at the calendar. See, you made me pick up that stupid habit. 1 day really passes so slowly. There was never a point in my life where I had no means and ways to contact you. You'd always be on the other side of the phone. when phones don't work and Internet is useless, what am I supposed to do? I'm staring at the phone willing it to light up and ring that ringtone I put for your calls. Bui it just never comes. should I be disappointed? Maybe I should. But somewhere in my heart, I know that you're alright and I'm appeased by just knowing that. God, I must be going mad.

This feeling of.. what? Emptiness? Loneliness? Misery? Missing? Awaiting? I don't know anymore, You know I was never good at expressing myself. This feeling that gnaws on me... Refuses to let it go. I can't. I really feel like I'm going crumble underneath all these. Crying has never been my forte. But, if it would help me erase all there stupid emotions, I'd cry a river. You used to tell me before. Crying is stupid. It really is.

The place where you used to be is now a hole. I find myself walking around it in the day and falling in at night, I miss you like hell.

♥undefined. 9:45 pm

Well, I realised that I haven't been posting much these days.. Well. What can I post anyway.. not that much interesting things have been happening here lately..

My mum's been sick and I can't do anything much. Feeling more useless these days. Can't do anything right I guess. I feel like the water's reaching up to my chin. I'm going to drown soon. That few seconds between life and death seem to tick by slowly. People say when you're going to die, flashes of your past goes right by your eyes. I wonder if that's true. I wonder if I'll ever remember anything from the past. Maybe I'll be able to... Maybe. Settled right between dreams and realities, it's horrible. Tredding between that thin line of abyss, will I be able to trace back my steps? Should I go forward? Should I go back? Should I hope for my dreams? Should I stand earthed to my ground?

Confusing between 2 parrallel lines. Now I understand. Heaven and Earth. They'll never mingle. But raindrops let the earth know, feel, what exists up in the sky. Some sort of connection? Is the sky crying to the fact that even though they'll face each other throughout eternity, they'll never get to be friends? I'm right infront of you, but I'm a million miles away.

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

I never needed anyone. Never ever.

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take.

I know exactly how many steps you took before you turned around and smiled. The steps that you took before you were completely out of my life. Forever. Could you retrace those steps?

If the point of hurting started from the point of breaking, before the end comes, I'm willing to love you again.

♥undefined. 2:45 pm