Well.. you know what I found out...? I found out that I should really be a counsellor. I mean... I can counsel so many people.. Cause you know what? People are getting so lost inside their feelings that they forget simple meanings and simple and straightforward answers.

*sigh* Waking up at 3 o'clock to find that it's 3 am and my mother is currently dozing off infront of the TV. Oh well.. but it still hurts to find that my mother who once had the energy of 20 elephants put together so fragile now. Changes. Oh well.. The only thing constant is change isn't it?

I guess I changed too. After all that, who wouldn't? Our changes aren't that drastic I guess.. For this one thing, I feel lucky. Now, currently its 6. My whole house is asleep. Well.. We ate our breakfast then they fell asleep again. Except me. I can't sleep a wink after I'm woken, unless I'm super sleepy and you woke me up for like 10 minutes. Why am I talking about this again? Oh ya. now it's 6.. it's 6.02 actually. I see a patch of darkness. Sinking into that darkness, I dream. Heck. I dream alot don't I? Dreaming of how things would turn out if I wasn't a girl. Dreaming of how things would turn out if I was born. Dreaming of how things would turn out if my dad didn't die. Dad. It's a foreign word to me. Why of all things am I thinking of father now? God I'm going insane. Oh well.. let's continue my train of thoughts. Maybe I'd end up as the 'Daddy's girl'? Maybe. Maybe I'd end up being miscarriged? Maybe. Maybe I'd end being the handsomest guy ever? Maybe. Lol... I don't really feel like laughing right now. All the emotions built up inside of me, they just feel like exploding.. Letting it all go. Maybe I wasn't made for this harsh reality. Maybe I'm not strong enough. Or maybe.. maybe just because I refuse to accept. Accepting aint that easy. Accepting is like bowing your head to your sworn enemy. Not that I ever had one, but yah.. a fitting comparison if you ask me. Accepting so many things at one time can really make a person go crazy I guess.

Nobody told me breaking out would be this hard. Nobody told me responsibility could weigh a ton. Nobody told me not caring would be the hardest of all. Because I had noone to tell me I guess. Not to get hurt? The easiest way is not to care, but not caring is the hardest to do. Remember that sentence? You told me that. I'll always remember it. Who were you trying to fool? Did you tell me to convince me? Or rather to convince yourself? I know. I know all about you. Maybe even more than you know. Why? That I don't know. But the day when you'll hear me say that few words will never come. That is not a fact, but an agreement. An angreement I'll never break.


Sometimes thoughts of you
Cascade back to memory
From where they have laid concealed
Unwanted, buried
Pushing them away
Forces them closer to me
Causing my heart to lunge
My soul falling from my being
I keep telling myself
I dont want you
But I miss your laughter
The light echos
You never said you loved me
And that is what tears
Knowing you wont remember me
Or long for me near
I do miss you.

♥undefined. 6:12 am