I don't even know what to do anymore.Well. I thought I could post a post which was celebrating the end of exams. [at least for now] But oh well. Lots of things have been pressurizing me.
White and black used to fill my world.
But I liked them.
No colours.
Just white and black.
A clear cut I guess, decisive thoughts.
But now. white and black have turned gray.
Is gray more like white or more like black?
Which way should I go?
Contradictions blocked my path.
Focus left my eyes.
Now I'm all mixed up.
I don't like colours.
Just give me back my white and black.
Oh well. I'm spouting nonsensical stuff again. Is there such thing as an unconditional love? I wonder. I feel like my life has no goal. Well, if you count not getting my mother angry. I guess there is a goal. Can I stay mute and never talk again? Cause I feel as though my existence has no use or whatsoever. I'm like a ghost. I'm there but I'm ignored, unseen nor acknowledged. What have I done wrong? Nobody can now catch hold of my oil-slicked hands. Slicked with wrong-doings which I don't know. I'm slipping. I'm falling. I'm going and gone.
An existence that was never recognised. A happiness that was never felt. A sadness that was never cared. A person that was never loved.
People I cared for?
Who did I care for anyway? Didn't you say I was selfish?
People that loved me?
No, I never recognised any of them.
Why?
Cause there're none.
So, I'll go. I'll walk that long road alone and see where it leads me.
Maybe you're right.
I was born to be failure.
Or maybe you're wrong.
Maybe I was just born to walk alone.
I've made up my mind. You won't recognise me now. Not that you did before anyway.
Long before, I wanted to see your smile.
Smiling at me through the day.
That was impossible wasn't it?
I wanted to see your eyes.
Now you won't even look at me.
Sometimes the one you love can’t be there for you. Sometimes because they can’t. Sometimes because they won’t. Sometimes it’s better not to find out.
