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Thursday, October 11, 2007

So.. Volleyball.

It's been a long time since I've stepped into action and actually felt like I could do something to help the situation. Long time. That nervousness I've always held back is still there. It had never left. I've always thought that if I didn't care, it'll go away. Now I know better. I HATE crowds.


Today I saw him again. Faint. But I saw him again. That feeling of ..what? Excitement? Nervous? Butterflies? I don't know. But I just wanted to walk away after seeing him. Seeing from afar is enough. Why was he here? I kept a straight face and brushed past him. He won't notice. He never did anyway.


♥undefined. 4:14 pm


Saturday, October 06, 2007

Just thought that maybe it's time to change a new skin.. well. i like this skin.

Just sitting alone in my empty house make my thoughts go wild. Gloomy walls seem in sink into my soul even more. Where am I gonna go with this I wonder? Damn, too many thoughts and I can't seem to collect all of them.. Seems like my thoughts just pass through me or something.

Sitting in the midst of nothingness, I finally realized one thing. Actually 2 things really, boredom and loneliness. Funny how darkness makes you look at it in the eye and get flustered by it. Don't get me wrong. I fell in love with darkness long ago. It's just that, the more you feel it, the more it's there. It'll never leave you alone after that. Once you get too used to darkness being there, you can't stand people. That's what happened to me.

I tried to tolerate, but how far can one's tolerance go? I just can't stand crowds. I can tolerate just being around Vanessa, hear her talking. But it just scares me if I'm part of a big crowd, lucky I don't have alot of friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm not scared of talking infront of alot of people or anything. I just feel that when I'm part of big crowds, it's too bright. It's out of my comfort zone, out of my darkness.

gosh, I sound like a vampire, ever forbidden to walk under the sun's rays. Hey, I'm not that bad.. Just that I feel so "out-there", so bare with so many people around me. I prefer to be closed up I guess.

I've seen the darkness, I've seen the rain,
And I know I'll never see you again.


♥undefined. 8:50 pm


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