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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Hey peeps. Looks like I really have a dead blog now. I'm so sorry for not updating it sooner. I'm thinking of changing my blogskin too. Man, the more I look at this, the more I want to change it, but you see, I can't bring myself to change it because of laziness, *sigh*

Anyway. Life hasn't changed a bit. It has only went more screwed.

More from bad to worse. I'm waiting for the day I leave Singapore.

I'll be leaving behind alot of things.But I know you'll be happy again. You never needed me, I was just a reminder of your old mistakes. Aren't I? She knew it, You knew it, but you both didn't tell me, and you both didn't realise I knew it either. I'm not as dense as you thought out me to be. And the fact that I don't really care is because either way; Why should I?


♥undefined. 9:02 pm


Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Sorry people, but this post is going to be very emo.

I don't need you to tell me I'm not good enough. You don't need to emphasize it again and again. I know. In fact, everyone knows it. You don't like me. I know. But can you spare me some self-worth and dignity? Can you at least treat me like a person with feelings? Can you at least give me a chance to show you that I'm not as worthless as you think? Am I wrong for being so distant? Am I wrong for not talking everytime or not being as sociable? I'm just going to tell you straight in the face. I'm not sociable. I never was. And you see me actually talking to the people is actually because I was forced into it. I hate talking. It's a waste of my time and your time. We don't communicate well. And just because I tell you I don't know you think I don't want to do it.

When I say I don't know is because I actually don't know. People can forget too. Just because I've been there a million times a few years ago doesn't mean I can remember as well as now. You don't understand me. It's not that I don't understand you. Do you actually realise that I have a thing called guilt inside me? I hate it when people treat me as though I couldn't give a damn about what happens to people around me. Do you actually think I would be that cold hearted? I'm not selfish. You just don't know me. You never will, I guess.

I hate that when I'm with you, I feel inferior. I hate that when I'm near you, I feel like I'm incapable of doing anything. I hate that when I'm beside you, I was there by a mistake. We should have never met, should we? I thank you for all the things that you have done for me, but tell me, what can I do? I can just thank you in my way and sorry that you do not understand my way of thanking. I'm sorry for not turning out the way you wanted me to be. I'm sorry for not being capable. I'm sorry for not knowing enough. I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for not caring for you. I'm sorry that you think I don't care. I'm sorry that I'm always a jinx to you. I'm not I have never made you proud. I'm sorry that the thought of me would take away that smile on your face. I'm sorry that I can never do things right. I'm sorry that nothing I do turns out the way you wanted. I'm sorry for being stupid. I'm sorry for being rude. I'm sorry I'm inconsiderate. I'm sorry that I couldn't act like Mother Theresa. I'm sorry that I always disappointed you. I'm sorry that I have nothing good about me to tell your friends about. I'm sorry for being that ugly scar in our house. I'm sorry that she went away.

I'm sorry for not being my sister. I'm sorry. I should have went to England, not her. Then you'll live happily with her, and do not need to waste half of your life force scolding me. I'll be a million miles away from you. You wouldn't even miss me. I know you won't. Even though we're from the same womb, you won't cry for me like you do for her. Even a smile won't be wiped off. So I'm sorry I'm not as smart as her to get a scholarship from a school from England and be out of your sight. I'm sorry you'll have to look at me everyday with remorse until she comes home and visit us. I'm sorry we're so different. Maybe you should have let me go instead of her. Really. The more I think of it, the more I think it's true.

I'm sorry mum.


♥undefined. 5:47 pm


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