Yo people. You might think it's totally crazy for a sick person to be up at this hour of the day. Oh hell. Damn right. And I didn't even bother going to a doctor yesterday. Why? Cause doctors drive me crazy!
No. Not really, Just didnt feel like going. I can't take good care of myself. Oh well. I'm hungry right now. *stomach growls* but I don't feel like going into the kitchen for it. Heck. My kitchen doesn't even contain stuff that doesn't need to be put through fire. ...Such a healthy family. my foot. They just don't want me to outside stuff. For god-knows-what reason. I wanna sleep now. but I can't, If i do fall asleep now, I can't wake up in time. Neither my mum nor my sister is around now.
Wasn't I who wanted to stay this way? Cut from all contact? But rather than the whole world treats me like a freak and walking away, It's as if I was the one who severed that last piece of connection I had with anybody. It takes two hands to clap, huh? When did I stopped trusting
outsiders? Too long ago. Since young. Take your pick. But it's really frustrating huh? To think that inside such a
big world, you have friends less countable than the numbers on your fingers.
Friends? the word have a tangy bittersweet and sour snap on my tongue. Oh. oh. You won't believe how long I wanted to define that word.
Let's just take a step back from the show of our lifes, what are we acting for actually? In the role of our lives, everyone is playing a part, being the main character in their own show. Who's gonna watch the show at the end? Why are we acting for anyway? A person? For ourselves? I think everyone's director is the same huh? Death. If he decides that your show ends here and now. Too bad. Friends are your important side characters, is that it? Or are they the supporting characters? *sigh* Anyhow, I wanna trust them. I really do. Why do I sometimes look at people and just see them as a physical body that's going to decay in around half a century. It gives you the feeling that you're the one that's gonna see them die. I don't wanna feel this way. I'm just your normal average girl. Why are all these emotions running through me when I don't understand half of what I feel? This whole thing is warped and so majorly f***ed up.
The ironic thing is, when I do take a step back, I feel so much more. I feel those sympathy looks given to me by my mother. "Oh, poor child..." I feel those boring into my skin. I feel those angry looks so many times that I can't even tell if they're angry or just plain glaring. Most of the times, I can't be bothered to either. It isn't my blood fault if you choose to waste your time on the stage being angry at me. Life's a stage, isn't it? It's so ironic that it's lame. And it's so literal. People are just walking around waiting for their director to say, "cut!" *grins* What a stupid world. Where did that life that we have inside of us come from? Maybe the sun contained too much energy and decides to weave webs of life within earth. Who knows? All I know is that Life plays a sick and twisted game in everyone. We have choices though, oh, we have. To live to die. Or to die to live again. Naturally everyone's sitting on the fence. "I wanna accomplish .... in my lifetime." That's a goal people have, to not idly watch time past by his face and be bored to death. But if you do live to die, maybe we can be friends. I am scared of Death. But we can never run away from it if we have Life. Life and Death are like two friends being separated and connected again through human beings. When Life goes into you, Death will come along too. And that second you draw your last breath, they can be together. *chuckles* What a sick a twisted Romeo and Juliet, don't you think?
