So sorry for being away so long.
Well, lots of things happened. My mom died etc etc etc.
Lol. It's not really a big thing that she died. I kinda knew in my heart she'd die once I knew she had 4th stage gastric cancer. It was just a matter of when. Just didn't realise it would be so soon. The time she was with me seemed to me like a dream. A bittersweet dream.
I'm not sad that she died. I'm quite glad for her actually, chemotherapy sessions were such a pain in the ass. I don't think she ever got to know how much I actually love her. But I've never regretted it. Cause mom, if time ever rewinded, I don't think I'd ever rewrite our story. I'd always be your selfish, childish, stubborn youngest child. And you'd always be my understanding, loving, caring, and naggy mom. I learnt all my lessons today because of the things I've done, it's not worth rewriting them. I want them to be painfully edged in the corner of my heart that you'll always occupy.
I learnt 4 things when you died, mom.
1. Someday I'm gonna end up like you. In the coffin. Well, not necessarily that orangey coffin, maybe my era would be more high-tech. But you get the point.
2. Everyone's gonna be a dead corpse, with all the icky stuff flowing out. And no one's gonna take care of you. And there's no such word as "beautiful", "ugly", "rich", "poor" when you die. You go empty handed.
3. I've learnt how to face up to that painful quench that squeezes my heart everytime I think about you. How can I back down on all the little setbacks when they don't even hurt compared to your parting?
4. I loved you mom. Had. Am. And will always forever more. Cause there's no one who could raise a child whose father is your worst enemy. For that, I thank you mom.
P.S. I always keep your long hair growing.
